you go.
Hi, there. Something I can
do you for?
Hey! What are you doing?
Get the word out.
Somebody kidnapped Phil!
We are going after him!
Why would anybody steal a groundhog?
I could think of reasons.
Pervert.
He must have just snapped!
This ought to be good.
What is he doing?
What can he be thinking?
Not bad for a quadruped.
Check your mirrors. Side of your eye.
Side of your eye.
That's it.
Hey, they're chasing us!
Come on, make it fun.
Don't drive angry.
Don't drive angry.
There's no way out
except the way we came in!
We got him now!
What is he doing?
I don't know.
If you got to shoot,
don't hit the groundhog.
Mustn't keep them waiting.
It's showtime.
On me in three...
...two...
...one.
Phil!
He might be okay.
Well, no. Probably not now.
Nuts.
Did you sleep well, Mr. Connors?
Would you like...
...some toast?
Oh, my God!
That's him.
He was a really, really great guy.
I really, really liked him...
...a lot.
I'm sorry?
What was that again?
- I'm a god.
- You're God?
I'm a god. I'm not the god,
I don't think.
Because you survived a car wreck?
You folks ready to order?
I didn't just survive a wreck.
I wasn't just blown up.
I have been stabbed,
shot, poisoned...
...frozen, hung, electrocuted
and burned.
Oh, really.
Every morning I wake up without a
scratch, not a dent in the fender.
I am an immortal.
Special today is blueberry waffles.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I want you to believe in me.
You are not a god.
Take my word. It's 12 years
of Catholic school talking.
I can come back if you're not ready.
How do you know I'm not a god?
Please.
- How do you know?
- It's not possible.
I'll come back.
Doris.
This is Doris.
Her brother-in-law owns this diner.
She's worked here since she was 17.
She wants to see Paris...
...before she dies.
Boy, would I!
- What are you doing?
- Debbie and her fiancй.
Do I know you?
They're supposed to get married.
She's having second thoughts.
What?
Lovely ring.
Bill's been a waiter three years,
since he left Penn State to work.
He likes the town,
paints toy soldiers, and he's gay.
I am.
Gus hates it here,
wishes he'd stayed in the Navy.
I could've retired
on half pay after 20 years.
Excuse me. Is this a trick?
Maybe the real God uses tricks.
Maybe he's not omnipotent...
...he just knows everything.
- Who's that?
- Tom.
He worked in the coal mine
till it closed.
- And her?
- Alice.
Came from Ireland when she
was a baby. Lived in Erie.
He's right.
- And her?
- Nancy.
Works in a shop, makes noises like
a chipmunk when she gets excited.
- It's true.
- How do you know this?
I told you, I know everything.
In five seconds, a waiter
will drop a tray.
- Five, four, three, two, one.
- This is nuts.
- Okay?
- Okay, that's enough.
What about me?
Do you know me too?
I know all about you. You hope
for more than Channel 9 Pittsburgh.
Well, everyone knows that.
You like boats but not the ocean.
You go to a lake in the summer
with your family.
There's a dock and a boathouse
with boards missing from the roof...
...and a place you used to
crawl underneath to be alone.
You're a sucker for
French poetry and rhinestones.
You're very generous.
You're kind to strangers
and children.
When you stand in the snow
you look like an angel.
How are you doing this?
I told you. I wake up every day.
Right here.
Right in Punxsutawney.
And it's always February 2nd.
And there's nothing
I can do about it.
If you still can't believe me, listen:
In 10 seconds...
...Larry is going to come
and take you away from me.
But you can't let him.
Please believe me.
You've got to believe me.
You guys ready? We better go,
to stay ahead of the weather.
What's that?
"...to stay ahead of the weather."
Maybe it really is happening.
How else could you know so much?
There is no way.
I'm not that smart.
Maybe I should
spend the day with you...
...as an objective witness,
just to see what