attack!
Do something!
Call 411, an ambulance, a lawyer,
doctor, anything!
I think that did it.
If you're going to eat steak,
get sharper teeth.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thank you.
Who was that?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
Eat, eat!
People don't understand...
...what's involved.
This is an art form.
I think most people just think...
...that I hold a camera
and point it at stuff.
There's a lot more to it than that.
Would you be interested in seeing
the inside of a van?
You know, I really have to
get back to the party.
Great idea.
I'll go with you.
Let me just drop a tip here.
Hi! How are you?
Rita, this is Nancy.
We were going to the party.
You going?
Sounds like fun.
Maybe we should call Phil.
I think he's already in there.
Isn't he good?
He's great!
He's my student.
I'm so proud.
Thank you.
Hello, welcome to our party.
I didn't know you could
play like that.
I'm versatile.
It's that nice young man
from the motor club.
Thank you again.
It's nothing, ladies.
He's the fastest jack
in Jefferson County.
What was that all about?
Don't know. They've been
hitting on me all night.
There you are!
I never thanked you properly
for what you did.
He would've choked for sure.
He may have. He was trying
to swallow a whole cow.
I owe you one, buddy.
Hang on to him, dear.
He's a real find.
What did you do today?
Same old, same old.
Excuse me, Mr. Connors.
Fred, how was the wedding?
Thank you for making
Debbie go through with it.
All I did was fan her flame
of passion for you.
You are the best.
No, you are.
Rita, this is
Debbie and Fred Kleiser.
- Here you go, kids. Congratulations.
- What is this?
No way!
Wrestle Mania!
No way!
How'd you know?
We'll be in Pittsburgh anyway!
Thank you. You're a real pal.
Oh, this is the best.
I don't understand.
I guess not.
How does everyone know you?
You come once a year.
You're the most popular
person in town.
Excuse me, Dr. Connors?
I want to thank you
for fixing Felix's back.
He can help around the house again.
Well, I'm sorry
to hear that, Felix.
Dr. Connors?
It's kind of an honorary title.
What is going on?
I really don't know.
There is something
going on with you.
You want the long or short version?
Let's start with the short
and go from there.
Okay, folks, attention.
Time for the bachelor auction.
You know the rules.
All the eligible bachelors
come in front.
And you ladies...
...you bid on them!
Do whatever you want with them...
...no questions asked!
I don't want to know about it,
as long as it's legal.
Get out your pocketbooks,
and remember it's all for charity.
What are you doing down here?
Go on, get up there.
I got 10 bucks
that says you're mine.
Buster, I got your first victim.
Phil Connors, come on up here!
All right! Now, what am I bid
for this fine specimen?
Five dollars!
The bidding has begun
at five dollars.
Ten dollars!
Fifteen!
- Twenty!
- Twenty-five!
Thirty!
- Thirty-five!
- Forty!
Forty-five!
Fifty!
Fifty-five!
Sixty!
I'm bid $60.
Do I hear more?
$339.88.
We won't accept any more bids.
I think that's sold...
...to the little lady for $339.88!
Congratulations!
Okay, bachelors, who's next?
All right! Now, what am I
bid for this guy?
Do I hear a buck and a half?
Anybody?
75 cents?
I bid a two pence!
Sold to the lady for 25 cents.
I got him!
Phil Connors,
I thought that was you.
This is Ned Ryerson,
my new insurance agent.
I'll say.
I haven't seen him for 20 years.
He comes up and buys whole life,
term, fire, auto, dental, health...
...with the optional death
and dismemberment plan.
This is the best day of my life.
- Mine too.
- Mine too.
Where are we going?
Let's not spoil it.
Let's not...
I got that.
Why can't I look?
Because you bother me a lot.
I'm getting cold.
How long do I have to sit here?
I'm giving you your money's worth.
You paid top dollar for me.
Well, I think you were a bargain.
Sweet of you to