simple, you know,
when you get the knack.
Now then, why don't you--
o.k., pops, come on. It's my turn.
Give me the whip.
What have you been drinking?
Just something to keep me warm.
You are intoxicated, sir.
And you're a pain in the butt.
You are a disgrace.
You have any idea how many children
are watching you?
Give me back the whip.
Let me tell you something--
when you put on this suit,
you represent something that has
great significance to millions of people
all over the world.
Now, I could overlook your
poorly-manufactured jacket
or even your ludicrously
unbelievable beard.
Hey!
Or perhaps your
phonily-padded tummy,
but I will not tolerate
public drunkenness.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Can I get a cop over here?
That's a very good idea. Officer!
Hey, wait a minute, you.
Mrs. Walker! Mrs. Walker!
Mrs. Walker, we need your help here!
Your sense of occasion is something--
If you're not with the parade,
get back on the sidewalk.
I need to see whomever's in charge
to alert them to this man.
Kiss my--
Oh, easy! Take it easy!
Gramps, come on, hey.
Let's go for a little walk.
That man's a degenerate.
It's time to go right up in the old office.
Ha ha!
Little drafty there.
Hey, let's just watch the parade, o.k.?
Come on.
O.k. Settle in here.
Oh!
Oh, my god.
Get this costume fixed.
O.k. We'll show this guy how to do it.
Whoa!
Aah!
Oh.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!
Merry christmas to all,
and to all a good night.
Sir! Excuse me.
- Hello. I-I'm Dorey walker.
- Oh.
Director of special projects for
c.f. Cole's department store.
My pleasure. As a matter of fact,
I was looking for you.
There's no doubt you saw
your Santa Claus is inebriated.
I know. He has created
such a terrible problem.
Millions of children are watching here
and on television.
They're expecting to see Santa Claus,
and now we don't have one.
That is a terrible problem.
Would you do it?
Would you be our Santa Claus?
Uh, me?
Well, do you have any experience?
Well...just a little.
Great. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Isn't there someone else
that you could ask?
Sir, the parade has started already.
It's you right now, or else
There's no Santa in the cole's
thanksgiving day parade.
Might I perhaps have a moment
to think about it?
Don't worry about a thing. Just...
be yourself.
Now, dasher!
Now, dancer!
Now, prancer and vixen!
Now, comet! Now, cupid!
Now, donner and blitzen!
Hey!
Merry christmas.
Merry chris--
This Santa Claus is fantastic.
Did he sign a contract?
There wasn't any time.
Myrna's going to have him sign
after the parade.
She'll have him fill out his employment
papers, and he'll start in the morning.
He insisted upon wearing
his own Santa suit.
He has his own Santa suit?
Apparently.
Well, if it's horrible, we'll make him
wear one of ours.
I'm going home.
You're not going to watch the parade?
No. I think I've had quite enough
for one day, thank you.
I will see you in the morning.
O.k. Chin-chin.
Merry christmas.
Susan?
We can see the parade from his window,
so put on something comfortable
And come on over.
P.S., Mr. Bedford put the turkey
in the oven.
He said you forgot to sew up
the turkey's bottom.
The stuffing will all fall out,
but he told me not to say anything
Because he loves you,
and he wants to kiss you, and he thinks you're
The most beautiful woman in the whole world!
Do you know how much it costs
to make this parade?
Uh, a million dollars. $2 million?
1.6. It's probably a big mistake.
Some guy's going to buy cole's
and turn it into a junk store.
That's not going to happen.
Two banks just came in and rescued cole's.
You better check your sources.
But cole's has to pay them back plus interest.
If they don't sell a lot at christmas,
you can forget about it, pal.
Well, I think you should ask Santa Claus
to give cole's an interest-free loan For christmas.
What do you think about that?
That's a good one
Well, you know