Oh, my god.
Get this costume fixed.
O.k. We'll show this guy how to do it.
Whoa!
Aah!
Oh.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!
Merry christmas to all,
and to all a good night.
Sir! Excuse me.
- Hello. I-I'm Dorey walker.
- Oh.
Director of special projects for
c.f. Cole's department store.
My pleasure. As a matter of fact,
I was looking for you.
There's no doubt you saw
your Santa Claus is inebriated.
I know. He has created
such a terrible problem.
Millions of children are watching here
and on television.
They're expecting to see Santa Claus,
and now we don't have one.
That is a terrible problem.
Would you do it?
Would you be our Santa Claus?
Uh, me?
Well, do you have any experience?
Well...just a little.
Great. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Isn't there someone else
that you could ask?
Sir, the parade has started already.
It's you right now, or else
There's no Santa in the cole's
thanksgiving day parade.
Might I perhaps have a moment
to think about it?
Don't worry about a thing. Just...
be yourself.
Now, dasher!
Now, dancer!
Now, prancer and vixen!
Now, comet! Now, cupid!
Now, donner and blitzen!
Hey!
Merry christmas.
Merry chris--
This Santa Claus is fantastic.
Did he sign a contract?
There wasn't any time.
Myrna's going to have him sign
after the parade.
She'll have him fill out his employment
papers, and he'll start in the morning.
He insisted upon wearing
his own Santa suit.
He has his own Santa suit?
Apparently.
Well, if it's horrible, we'll make him
wear one of ours.
I'm going home.
You're not going to watch the parade?
No. I think I've had quite enough
for one day, thank you.
I will see you in the morning.
O.k. Chin-chin.
Merry christmas.
Susan?
We can see the parade from his window,
so put on something comfortable
And come on over.
P.S., Mr. Bedford put the turkey
in the oven.
He said you forgot to sew up
the turkey's bottom.
The stuffing will all fall out,
but he told me not to say anything
Because he loves you,
and he wants to kiss you, and he thinks you're
The most beautiful woman in the whole world!
Do you know how much it costs
to make this parade?
Uh, a million dollars. $2 million?
1.6. It's probably a big mistake.
Some guy's going to buy cole's
and turn it into a junk store.
That's not going to happen.
Two banks just came in and rescued cole's.
You better check your sources.
But cole's has to pay them back plus interest.
If they don't sell a lot at christmas,
you can forget about it, pal.
Well, I think you should ask Santa Claus
to give cole's an interest-free loan For christmas.
What do you think about that?
That's a good one
Well, you know what?
It might happen.
Santa Claus,
he does some pretty amazing things.
Bryan, you know what? I know.
You know what?
The secret.
What secret?
Santa Claus.
I've known for a long time.
He's not real.
Says who?
My mom.
Hi.
I believe you have something of mine.
About 4-foot tall, brown hair,
talks like she's 64 years old?
Hey.
Hi. / Hi.
So, what do you think?
It's a good one.
Yeah? Did Santa Claus come by yet?
Nope. Is it Tony falacchi again?
No. Tony had to leave.
Bombed?
Yes.
It's the pressure.
But I got this new guy, and
he really looks like the real thing.
Maybe he is.
Are you still coming to dinner?
Am I still invited?
Yes.
Then I'm coming.
Honey, run home and put the camera stuff away.
I'll put the stuff away. You keep watching.
Let her finish watching the parade. Come on.
Santa hasn't even come by yet.
Well, as soon as Santa does come by,
I would like for you to come home.
Sure.
That's the end of the parade, anyway.
There's nothing else to see except
guys cleaning up horse poop,
And that doesn't thrill me at all.
Hello!
Merry christmas!
- Hello?
- Jack?
Yes, sir.
I've been watching the parade.
It looks bigger than last year.
What is the crowd estimate?
Well, sir, cops say over a million.
Last year was about 750.
Have marketing come up with a