anything.
You just eat raw onion.
Such passion.
Why so crude?
Love has to be beautiful,
it has to be poetic! Bangkok...
-You want Bangkok?
-Yes.
What are you doing?
Here are your palm trees!
Here's your Bangkok!
-Here's your...
-Emmanuelle.
-But I can't.
-What can't you?
The size of your
dick isn't normal.
My lieutenant's
is like this...
But yours is very big.
It's just not possible.
You want me cut if off?
Cut it.
Okay.
-Piotr!
-Let me.
He's crazy.
Some door should be open.
Can I help you?
Yes...
Okay.
-What's wrong?
-Piotr put bearings on his penis...
and had sex with Veronica.
The lieutenant's wife?
With ball bearings?
It's because his is very big.
Like the pilot's
in "Emmanuelle"?
Idiot.
He's heard something....
about constriction devices.
But they're not made of steel!
The penis is inflated
like a zeppelin.
-Show me!
-Show him.
Come on!
You drink my whisky...
you screw the ballerina
in my office!
Do you want some water?
Calm down.
How did this happen?
-We watched "Emmanuelle".
-Me too.
Did you like it?
Yes, but no one there puts
ball bearings on his prick!
-Could it be sawed off?
-It's made of special steel!
I've tried Hartmann method.
He recommends wrapping
the penis with tape...
beginning at the distal end and
moving upwards in a spiral...
towards the point
of constriction.
But with such swelling,
the method won't work.
Call Maria Markovna.
-Which Markovna?
-Your mother!
Call Marta too.
The consequences are hard to predict.
-No, she's retired and got asthma.
-Our steel's worth gold!
And you go and put it on your prick!
Really!
It worked.
Bring him here, the rake.
Just look at him.
Stay calm.
Don't be frightened.
Go!
Watchmaker's precision.
Congratulations.
Where are you, Veronica?
Show yourself!
I'll blow this whole
town in pieces!
Come out, Veronica!
Where have you gone?
Come out this instant...
or I'll blow this
factory to pieces!
In all my professional practice,
I've never seen anything like that.
I could say even more:
it was huge, terribly huge!
27 centimeters!
And if it had burst?
I'll kill you!
Believe me, I'll kill you!
-You're a bitch!
-Shut up!
-I'm not a bitch!
-Be quiet!
-Not in the face, Mama!
-Shut up!
What are you doing here?
I've come to watch the moon.
-What are you doing here?
-I want them to drink my blood.
Idiot! I'm the one with bad blood.
I need leeches.
You've got all the leeches
of the swamp on you.
Now he's going to come out.
He's going to come out,
to take five steps...
and then stumble.
-I missed it, Dad.
-Once more. Aim well.
Is this what you
call hunting?
They said, there are
wild boars here.
Look! A pig!
What is it?
-A boar?
-It doesn't look like it.
Was it a wild boar?
I think we've just killed
a domesticated pig.
Let's get out of here, quick!
-Maybe it was a real boar.
-No, boars have tusks.
Lulu! Where's
my little piggy?
Have you seen my pig?
The silly thing escaped again.
-What's its name?
-Lulu.
-Lulu? She ran that way.
-Thanks.
That's just disgusting.
It's not my fault.
After the film...
he asked me the unimaginable.
This morning, he was dead in bed.
The headmaster in the
French teacher's bed.
What's he doing here?
It's very hard to see
one's husband...
dead in someone
else's bed, but...
I don't know this man.
And I hardly know him.
Hardly!
You know what?
The school will take
care of the funeral.
He was a good headmaster
and a man of morals.
It's better this way.
Have you found your cat?
I've lost the sea,
I've lost my cat.
Here, eat this.
Your eyes are so sad.
Why?
Look, do this.
You can hide behind them.
Here's your lamb.
Let me take it some
other time, okay?
Hello, Captain Nemo!
I'm not Captain Nemo.
-I'm a stray dog.
-A what?
A dog.
-Homeless.
-Where are you going?
I've lost the sea. I'm searching
for another, but there isn't one.
Are you married?
-Me?
-Yes.
-No, no.
-No?
-My boat is my wife.
-