during the War.
- A Holocaust story?
- No, it's about my dad.
The headquarters of the
Lithuanian SS was right nearby.
And there was an SS officer there
who had a beautiful Lithuanian wife.
Now, my dad was a scrawny man.
You see what I look like?
He was three times worse.
And did you inherit your dad's looks?
No, my mom's. Mom was no beauty,
either, but not like dad.
It made it that much easier
for my father to fall in love.
My father fell in love with that
beautiful Lithuanian woman.
And she fell in love with my father,
like a puppy.
Imagine what would've happened
if the Russians had lost.
The SS officer fled to Germany.
And she stayed with my dad.
Oh, God, wow!
They were both arrested
and sent to the camps in Siberia.
They were released in 1953,
found each other, and got married.
They moved to a little farm
near Vilnius...
...and began to crank out children.
Eleven of them.
By this time, of course, my dad had been
a pig and dumped my mom.
But I understand him.
For one thing...
...I saw her photograph.
I saw her photograph.
And for another...
...my mother was no angel, either.
Mother was no angel.
An amazing story.
If someone told me a story like that,
I wouldn't believe it.
But it happened to my dad.
Anything can happen.
Anything.
Stop, stop. I have doubts.
We all tend our gardens in our own way.
And we hold the shovel in our own.
Well... If you only knew.
I have an uncle.
He lives near Voronezh, he's a plumber.
Hands of gold!
He's generous and kind.
The whole city just loves him.
He likes to drink,
but he's not mean.
He doesn't drink too often.
In the center of town
there's a square.
They built this place there where
you can play machines for money.
"Brother," it's called. "Brother".
Uncle Kolya had never been a gambler.
But one payday, he got drunk.
And went there.
And, well, he lost.
He lost every cent.
He thinks: "How can I go home now
to Liuba, to my wife, and say:
"Liuba, I lost everything, all the money".
How?"
It'd be easier to hang himself.
But some kind people told him:
"There's a place nearby
where you can borrow money".
So he goes there and they say:
"OK, we'll give you a loan,
but with high interest,
and not less than 50 thousand.
So if you want 50 thousand, you got it,
but if not, you can go to hell".
What could he do?
He takes the 50 thousand...
...and goes back to that
"Brother" place, damn it.
And he...
He loses it all.
The whole 50 thousand.
Now what could he do?
Now what was he going to do?
Middle of the day.
He goes to work, tells the boss:
"Give me 50 thousand".
"What, are you nuts?"
"Nuts, eh? Just you wait."
He goes home. Gets a shotgun, shells.
And goes back. By this time
the boss had run off some place.
He goes to the accounting office.
There are only women there.
He takes three of them hostage.
He becomes a terrorist.
He makes them put
a bucket outside with a note,
his demands -
all 57 thousand rubles,
a luxury apartment,
a job as chief engineer,
and a plane to anywhere on earth
he chooses.
Now, why did he ask for a job,
when he planned to fly off in a plane?
That's not important.
It's not important.
The women say: "Uncle Kolya,
what are you doing? Look..."
But he just goes "oooo!"
He can't speak.
The women open the safe
and take out 800 rubles.
One goes to buy vodka,
a half case, ice cream.
And the police are there, snipers.
"He's a terrorist! Get him! Fire!"
But the police chief says:
"Stop! Absolutely not! Don't shoot!
I'll go myself!"
What a man!
And he goes in unarmed. What a man!
Uncle Kolya points the gun at him:
"I'll kill you".
And the chief says: "No you won't".
"Why not?"
"Because I'm the chief", says the chief.
Uncle Kolya drops the shotgun.
They sit around the case of vodka.
They have a drink.
And cry.
And there was no trial, no investigation.
I beg your pardon, but why exactly
did you tell us all that?
Why? He could have been sent to prison,
or