wish
I was doing?
Watch what you say.
Brian here is a cherry.
- A cherry?
- I wish I was in a plane...
- to France.
- I'm not a cherry.
- When have you ever gotten laid?
- I've laid lots of times.
- Name one.
- She lives in Canada.
I met her at Niagara Falls.
You wouldn't know her.
Ever laid anyone around here?
Oh.
You and Claire did it?
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. Nothing.
Let's just drop it, okay?
We'll talk about it later.
- What are you talking about?
- Brian's trying to tell me...
that in addition to the number of girls
in the Niagara Falls area...
that presently you and he
are riding the hobby horse.
- Little pig.
- No, I'm not.
John said I was a cherry, and I said
I wasn't. That's all that was said.
Then what were you
motioning to Claire for?
- I don't appreciate this very much, Brian.
- He is lying.
You weren't motioning
to Claire?
You know he's lying, right? Were you
or were you not motioning to Claire?
Yeah, but it was only...
It was only because I didn't
want her to know I was a virgin.
Excuse me for
being a virgin. I'm sorry.
Why didn't you want me
to know you were a virgin?
Because it's personal business.
It's my personal, private business.
Well, Brian, it doesn't sound
like you're doing any business.
I think it's okay
for a guy to be a virgin.
You do?
What's in there?
Guess.
Where's your lunch?
You're wearing it.
You're nauseating.
What's that?
- Sushi.
- Sushi?
Rice, raw fish
and seaweed.
You won't accept a guy's tongue in
your mouth, and you're gonna eat that?
Can I eat?
I don't know.
Give it a try.
What's your problem?
What are we having?
Uh, it's your standard,
regular lunch, I guess.
Milk?
Soup.
Uh, that's apple juice.
I can read.
PB&J with the crusts cut off.
Well, Brian, this is
a very nutritious lunch.
All the food groups
are represented.
Did your mom
marry Mr. Rogers?
No, Mr. Johnson.
Hah.
Here's my impression of
the life at big Bri's house.
Son?
Yeah, Dad?
How's your day, pal?
Great, Dad.
How's yours?
Super.
Say, son, how'd you like
to go fishing this weekend?
Great, Dad.
But I've got homework to do.
That's all right, son.
You can do it on the boat.
Gee.!
Dear, isn't our son swell?
Yes, dear.
Isn't life swell?
Oh.
Oh.
All right.
What about your family?
Who, mine? It's real easy. Yeah.
Stupid, worthless,
no-good...
goddamn freeloading
son of a bitch.
Retarded, big mouth,
know-it-all, asshole, jerk.
You forgot ugly,
lazy and disrespectful.
Shut up, bitch!
Go fix me a turkey potpie.
What about you, Dad?
Fuck you.
No, Dad. What about you? Fuck you!
No, Dad. What about you?
Fuck you!
Bam!
- Is that for real?
- You want to come over sometime?
That's bullshit.
It's all part of your image.
- I don't believe a word of it.
- You don't believe me?
No.
No?
Did I stutter?
Do you
believe this? Huh?
It's about the size of
a cigar. Do I stutter?
See, this is what you get in my house
when you spill paint in the garage.
I don't think that I need to sit
with you fucking dildos anymore.
Fuck!
- You shouldn't have said that.
- How did I know?
I mean he lies about
everything anyway.
Oh, shit.
Coffee. Looks like it's been scraped
off the bottom of the Mississippi River.
Everything's polluted.
Everything's polluted.
The coffee's polluted.
The kids are polluted.
How do you know where
Vernon went? I don't.
Then how do you know when
he'll be back? I don't.
Being bad feels
pretty good. Huh?
What's the point of going
to Bender's locker? Beats me.
This is so stupid. Why are
we risking getting caught?
I don't know.
So then what are we doing?
You ask me one more question...
and I'm beating the
shit out of you. Sorry.
You're such a slob.
My maid's on vacation.
It's drugs.
Screw that, Bender.
Put it back.
Drugs.
The boy has marijuana.
That was marijuana.
Shut up, dick.
Do you approve
of this?
We'll cross through the lab,
and then we'll double