ranger [music]
(music)[Continues, Indistinct]
[Panting]
[Ball Bouncing]
[Yelling]
Three...
two, one.!
[Yells]
Bender! Bender!
What is this?
What are you doing here?
What is this?
Hi.
Out. That's it, Bender.
Out. It's over.
Don't you want
to hear my excuse?
Out.
I'm thinking of
trying out for a scholarship.
Give me the ball, Bender.
Give me that ball.
Get your stuff.
Let's go.
Mr. Wise Guy here's
taken upon himself
to go to the gymnasium.
I'm sorry to inform you,
you're going to be without his
services the rest of the day.
B-O-O H-O-O.
Everything's a big joke, huh, Bender?
The false alarm you pulled Friday...
False alarms are really funny,
aren't they?
What if your home...
What if your family...
What if your dope was on fire?
Impossible, sir.
It's in Johnson's underwear.
[Chuckles]
You think he's funny?
You think this is cute?
You think he's bitchin'? Is that it?
Let me tell you something.
Look at him.
He's a bum.
You want to see something funny?
You go visit John Bender in five years.
You'll see how
goddamn funny he is.
What's the matter, John?
You going to cry?
Let's go.
Keep your
fuckin' hands off me!
I expect better
manners from you, Dick.
For better hallway vision.
That's the last time, Bender.
That's the last time you ever
make me look bad in front of
those kids. You hear me?
I make $31,000 a year,
and I've got a home.
And I'm not about to
throw it away on some punk
like you.
But someday, man, someday...
when you're outta here
and you've forgotten
all about this place...
and they've forgotten about you,
and you're wrapped up
in your own pathetic life...
I'm gonna be there.
That's right. And I'm gonna kick
the livin' shit out of you.
I'm gonna knock
your dick in the dirt.
- You threatening me?
- What are you
going to do about it?
You think anybody's
gonna believe you?
You think anybody is gonna
take your word over mine?
I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me around here.
I'm a swell guy.
You're a lying sack of shit,
and everybody knows it.
You're a real tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on.
Get on your feet, pal!
Let's find out how tough you are.
I wanna know, right now,
how tough you are. Come on.
I'll give you
the first punch. Let's go.
Come on. Right here.
Just take the first shot.
Please. I'm begging you.
Take a shot. Right here.
Just take one shot.
That's all I need.
Just one swing.
That's what I thought.
You're a gutless turd.
[Door Closes]
A naked blond
walks into a bar...
with a poodle
under one arm...
and a two-foot salami
under the other.
She lays the poodle
on the table.
Bartender says, "I suppose
you won't be needing a drink."
Naked lady says...
Oh, shit!
[Vernon]
Jesus Christ Almighty.!
Forgot my pencil.
[Vernon]
Goddamn it.!
What in God's name
is going on in here?
- What was that ruckus?
- What ruckus?
I was in my office,
and I heard a ruckus.
Could you describe
the ruckus, sir.
- Watch your tongue, young man.
Watch it.
- [Groans]
- [Mr. Vernon]
What is this?
- [Zipping Sound]
- What is that? What-What...
What is that noise?
- [Andrew] What noise?
[Claire]
Really sir, there wasn't
any noise.
- [Gasping]
- Ow!
[Exaggerated Sneeze]
- [All Coughing]
- [Cries Out]
- [Coughing]
- [Coughing]
That noise?
Was that the noise
you were talking about?
No, it wasn't.
That was not the noise
I was talking about.
Now, I may not have caught you
in the act this time,
but you can bet I will.
[Laughs]
You make book
on that, missy.
And you!
I will not be made a fool of.
[Laughing]
It was an accident.
You're an asshole.
Sue me.
So, Ahab, can I have
all my doobage?
[Zipping Sound]
Yo, wastoid. You're not gonna
blaze up in here.
[Clearing Throat]
- [Mouthing Words]
- [Mouthing Words]
[Zips Up Zipper]
[Sighs]
Shit!
[Sniffles]
[Chortles]
[Coughs]
[Claire Giggling]
Chicks cannot
hold their smoke.
That's what it is.
Do you know
how popular I am?
I