parents, you're a liar, too.
You know something? If we weren't
in school, I'd waste you.
Can you hear this?
You want me to turn it up?
Hey, fellas, I mean...
I don't like my parents, either.
I don't get along with them.
Their idea of parental compassion
is just wacko, you know.
- Dork.
- Yeah?
You are a parenќs wet dream, OK?
Thaќs the problem.
I can see you getting bunged up that
they make you wear these clothes.
But face it,
you're a neo-maxi-zoom dweebie,
out to make yourself a better citizen.
Why do you have to insult everybody?
I'm being honest, arsehole.
I would expect you
to know the difference.
- Well, he's got a name.
- Yeah?
- Whaќs your name?
- Brian.
- See?
- My condolences.
Whaќs your name?
Whaќs yours?
- Claire.
- Claire?
- Iќs a family name.
- Iќs a fat girl's name.
Thank you. I'm not fat.
Not now, but I can see you
pushing maximum density.
I'm not sure if you know this,
but there are two kinds of fat people.
Those born to be fat and those
that were once thin but became fat.
When you look at them,
you can see that thin person inside.
You're going to get married, squeeze
out a few puppies and then...
Obscene finger gestures
from such a pristine girl.
I'm not that pristine.
Are you a virgin?
I'll bet you a million dollars
that you are.
Leќs end the suspense.
(lmpersonates Billy Idol)
Will it be a white wedding?
- Why don't you just shut up?
- Have you kissed a boy on the mouth?
Have you ever been felt up?
Over the bra, under the blouse,
shoes off, hoping to God
your parents don't walk in?
Do you want me to puke?
Over the panties...
...no bra...
...blouse unbuttoned,
Calvins in a ball on the front seat,
past 11:00 on a school night?
(Andrew) Leave her alone.
I said leave her alone.
- You gonna make me?
- Yeah.
You and how many of your friends?
Just me. Just you and me. Two hits.
Me hitting you, you hitting the floor.
Any time you're ready, pal.
I don't want to get into this
with you, man.
Why not?
Because I'd kill you.
Iќs real simple.
I'd kill you, your parents would
sue me and it would be a big mess.
I don't care enough about you
to bother.
Chicken shit.
Leќs end this right now.
You don't talk to her,
you don't look at her
and you don't even think about her.
You understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
(Music plays from a radio)
Brian, how are you doing?
Your dad works here?
- Carl, can I ask you a question?
- (Carl) Sure.
- How does one become a janitor?
- You want to be a janitor?
No, I just want to know
how one becomes a janitor
because Andrew is interested
in a career in the custodial arts.
Oh, really?
You guys think I'm just some
untouchable peasant, a peon.
Maybe so. But following a broom
around after shitheads like you,
I've learnt a couple of things.
I look through your letters,
I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations.
I do.
I am the eyes and ears
of this institution, my friends.
By the way,
that clock's 20 minutes fast.
Shit!
(Whistling to the tune
of the "Colonel Bogey March")
(Door opens)
(Bender continues whistling)
All right, girls. 30 minutes for lunch.
- Here?
- (Vernon) Here.
I think the cafeteria
would be more suitable.
- I don't care what you think, Andrew.
- (Bender) Dick?
Excuse me.
Rich, will milk be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty, sir.
- I dehydrate badly.
I've seen her dehydrate, sir.
Iќs gross.
- Relax. I'll get it.
- (Vernon) Ah, ah, ah!
Grab some wood there, bub!
Do you think I was born yesterday?
You think I'm having you
roaming these halls?
You.
And you. Hey!
Whaќs her name? Wake her up!
On your feet, missy. Leќs go.
This is no rest home.
There's a drinks machine
in the teachers' lounge. Leќs go.
So, whaќs your poison?
What do you drink?
OK, forget I asked.
Vodka.
Vodka? When do you drink vodka?
Whenever.
- A lot?
- Tons.
Is that why you're here today?
Why are you here?
Why are you here?
I'm here