that flies.
Sir, for your own safety, sit down,
or else I'll make you sit down!
-Fine.
-Thank you.
This is Captain Pike.
We've been cleared for takeoff.
I may throw up on you.
I think these things are pretty safe.
Don't pander to me, kid.
One tiny crack in the hull
and our blood boils in 13 seconds.
A solar flare might crop up,
cook us in our seats.
And wait till you're sitting pretty
with a case of Andorian shingles.
See if you're still so relaxed
when your eyeballs are bleeding.
Space is disease and danger
wrapped in darkness and silence.
Well, I hate to break this to you,
but Starfleet operates in space.
Yeah, well, I got nowhere else to go.
The ex-wife took the whole damn planet
in the divorce.
All I got left is my bones.
-Jim Kirk.
-McCoy. Leonard McCoy.
Captain Nero! You've been
requested on the Bridge, sir.
Ayel says it's time.
Sir, we've arrived at the coordinates
you calculated. There's nothing here.
-What are your orders?
-We wait.
We wait for the one
who allowed our home to be destroyed,
as we've been doing for 25 years.
-And once we've killed him?
-Kill him?
I'm not gonna kill him.
I'm gonna make him watch.
Capture that ship!
Welcome back, Spock.
Why are you so happy?
-I don't know what you're talking about.
-No, I don't suppose you do.
Hello, ladies!
-I'm taking the test again.
-You gotta be kidding.
Yeah, tomorrow morning,
and I want you there.
You know, I've got better things to do
than watch you embarrass yourself
for a third time.
I'm a doctor, Jim. I'm busy.
Bones, it doesn't bother you
that no one's ever passed the test?
Jim, it's the Kobayashi Maru.
No one passes the test.
And no one goes back for seconds,
let alone thirds.
I gotta study.
Study, my ass.
-Jim, I think I love you.
-That is so weird.
-Lights.
-Lights on.
Did you just say, "That is so weird"?
-Yeah, I did, but...
-You don't love me, too?
Oh, my God, my roommate!
But I thought you said
she was gone for the night.
Obviously she's not.
Quick, get under the bed.
-Under...
-Look, just get under the bed.
-Come on!
-She can't see you here.
-Why not?
-Because I promised her
-I'd stop bringing guys back to the room.
-Really?
-Well, how many guys have you...
-Just down! Just down!
-Hey.
-Hey.
-How are you?
-Good.
The strangest thing,
I was in the long-range sensor lab...
Yeah, I thought all night.
I was tracking solar systems and
I picked up an emergency transmission.
-Really?
-Yeah. From a Klingon prison planet.
-No.
-Yeah.
A Klingon armada was destroyed.
Forty-seven ships.
So you're not going back
to the lab tonight?
-Gaila, who is he?
-Who's who?
The mouth-breather
hiding under your bed.
You could hear me breathing?
-You!
-Big day tomorrow.
-You're gonna fail. Get out.
-Gaila, see you around.
If I pass,
will you tell me your first name?
-No! Good night.
-I think the fact
that you picked up a transmission
is very interesting.
We are receiving a distress signal
from the U.S.S. Kobayashi Maru.
The ship has lost power
and is stranded.
Starfleet Command
has ordered us to rescue them.
"Starfleet Command has ordered us
to rescue them,
"Captain."
Two Klingon vessels
have entered the Neutral Zone
-and are locking weapons on us.
-That's okay.
-That's okay?
-Yeah, don't worry about it.
Did he say, "Don't worry about it"?
Is he not taking
the simulation seriously?
Three more Klingon warbirds decloaking
and targeting our ship.
-I don't suppose this is a problem either.
-They're firing, Captain.
Alert Medical Bay to prepare to receive
all crew members
from the damaged ship.
And how do you expect us
to rescue them
when we're surrounded
by Klingons, Captain?
Alert Medical.
Our ship is being hit. Shields at 60%.
-I understand.
-Well, should we, I don't know,
fire back?
-No.
-Of course not.
What is this? What's going on?
Arm photons.
Prepare to fire on the Klingon warbirds.
-Yes, sir.
-