# There's no turnin' back,
gotta fight the fight #
# Yeah, the Monster Squad
gonna get 'em tonight #
# Monster Squad #
# We're the Monster Squad,
and the forces of evil #
# Better run and hide #
# Monster Squad #
# We're the Monster Squad,
and the forces of evil #
# Best beware of
the Monster Squad #
# Gotta get up,
gotta get out #
# We got work to do #
# Work to do #
# Gotta get up,
gotta get out #
# We got work to do,
work to do #
# Mama can't help us,
Dad don't understand #
# No one will believe it #
# Put it in our hands #
# Gotta stop those creatures,
send them back to hell #
# Or there's no tomorrow,
no saved by the bell #
# There's no place to run,
nowhere to hide #
# Now it's time to see
what you got inside #
# No evil will
escape my sight #
# Yeah, the Monster Squad
gonna jam tonight #
# This ain't Halloween
or some phony deal #
# They be playin' for keeps,
they be playin' for real #
# They want darkness spread
all across the land #
# We're the only ones left
to make a stand #
# We don't wanna hang
with the walkin' dead #
# So we gotta kick
some monster butt instead #
# And you'll never see
such a ghastly sight #
# When the Monster Squad
saves the world tonight #
# Monster Squad #
# We're the Monster Squad,
and the forces of evil... #Aah!
Three minutes.
The girl. Now!
Let's hurry a bit,
shall we?
Come on!
Faster, faster!
Read!
Or we're all
gonna die!
Uhh...
Aah!
Aah!
No! Come back
Aah!
Well, well, well.
Are you two
sitting comfortably?
Good. Now. Gentlemen.
Do you see
these file folders?
The ones with your names
on them?
Can you guess
what's in these file folders?
I'll give you
a hint.
Discipline
reports.
Lots of them.
And some wonderful
artwork as well.
This is...?
Spider
with human head?
I'm sorry. Spider?
With human head.
Yeah. He eats dogs
and cats and rabbits.
Does he?
Sean thought him up.
You see, sir,
we kinda have
this monster club, okay?
And we draw those pictures to put
on our clubhouse walls.
Correction,
Mr. Crenshaw.
You draw pictures
during Mrs. Carlson's science class
when you're supposed
to be paying attention.
Wait. I just want
to say one thing.
I mean, Ms. Carlson's
a nice teacher and all,
but she's boring and
has an odd-shaped head.
That's why Sean and the guys
call her "Meow Mix,"
'cause her head's
shaped like a cat head.
But I don't, sir,
'cause-- how rude.
Boys...
I hear you.
I was a kid once.
I thought monsters
were cool.
And maybe, well--
well, gosh...
maybe I'm
just a big kid,
because, Sean, Patrick...
...I think science
is cool.
I dig it, man.
Now, I'm sure
both of you know
a great deal
about monsters,
but that's not the issue here.
The issue is...
...science is real.
Monsters are not.
We don't
know that, sir.
God, can you believe
Mr. Metzger?
Tell me about it. He touched me
and patted my shoulders and stuff.
The guy was fully
homo-ing out.
I smell like the '40s.
I mean, when they send you to school,
why don't they
tell you about the homos and
people with cat heads--
Ooh!
Oh!
Sorry,
Mrs. Carlson.
Meow. Meow.
She's married, Sean.
Oh, my God! Some guy
kisses her at night?
I mean, a priest said,
"I now pronounce you man and wife,"
and it was
okay with him?
Hey.
Where's Fat Kid?
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to our show.
Tonight's question:
What makes Fat Kid fat?
Fat kid?
Get out of here,
E.J.
"Get out of here, E.J."
Nope.
Not a good answer.
Doesn't make any sense.
Let's go to our man on the street. Derek.
Hi. I'm Derek,
and I'm in the street
where Fat Kid is blocking traffic.
Fat Kid, can't you
stop eating?
Look, I have
a glandular problem, okay?
At least