THINK OF YOUR LICENSE AS A CREDIT CARD.
SOONER OR LATER, YOU'VE
GOT TO BREAK IT IN.
PULL OVER ON THE CURB, RIGHT OVER THERE.
Dean: AND WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
WE'RE SOBER. THEY'RE HERE TO
CATCH DRUNKS, LIKE THAT DICK.
HAVE YOU HAD ANYTHING
TO DRINK TONIGHT, SIR?
TAKE IT EASY.
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, SON.
UM, SIR,
I FORGOT MY LICENSE AT HOME.
BUT UM,
I COULD GIVE YOU THIS.
ALL RIGHT, SIT TIGHT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW HIM YOUR LICENSE?
WHAT WAS THAT THING YOU FLASHED
IN FRONT OF US AT THE HOUSE?
MY SCHOOL I.D.
ARE YOU TELLING US
THAT YOU LEFT THE HOUSE
ON YOUR FIRST NIGHT OUT WITH
A LICENSE WITHOUT A LICENSE?
NO, DEAN, I'M NOT TELLING YOU THAT.
LOOK, GUYS,
I FAILED MY EXAM.
Both: YOU WHAT?!
- PROPER GRAMMAR IS-- - THIS
PUNK DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE.
ALL RIGHT, SIR, WHAT I'D LIKE YOU TO DO
IS TO TRY TO WALK THIS
LINE HERE, ALL RIGHT?
- ALL RIGHT.
- PESKY, COME HERE.
YOU JUST KEEP WALKING.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE HAVE TO CALL A WAGON
TO PICK THIS GUY UP.
THIS IS GOING TO GO IN OUR RECORDS.
WE'RE GONNA BE LOCKED UP IN A CELL
WITH MEN WHO'VE MURDERED AND RAPED
AND ROBBED CONVENIENCE STORES!
WILL YOU TAKE A PILL OR
SOMETHING? WILL YOU JUST RELAX?
NOTHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN
TO US. WE'RE JUVENILES.
NICE CALL, DEAN.
ALL RIGHT, ANDERSON, LET'S
HAVE A LOOK INSIDE THE TRUNK.
COME ON. I AIN'T GOT ALL NIGHT.
COME ON! COME ON!
HI, HOW YOU DOING?
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
MY DATE?
( siren wails )
WE GOT TO ROLL! THERE'S A
RIOT GOING ON AT ALLIED TECH!
YOU JUST GOT LUCKY, PAL.
LET'S GO.
( siren wails )
- Drunk: EXCUSE ME,
OFFICER-- - YES! PERFECT!
SEE, LES, WHAT DID I
TELL YOU? PIECE OF CAKE!
SHUT UP, HUH? HELP ME WITH HER.
DO SOMETHING USEFUL IN LIFE, WOULD YOU?
IT LOOKS LIKE A LINE. OH YEAH.
OH, MASERATI.
OH, THIS IS MUCH NICER THAN MINE.
KEYS?!
THIS CHICK IS NO PAPERWEIGHT.
- SO WHERE'S OUR NEXT STOP?
- THERE ARE NO STOPS, DEAN.
- WE'RE GOING HOME.
- ( engine starts )
OH, I'M DEAD.
I'M SO DEAD THEY'RE GONNA
HAVE TO BURY ME TWICE.
LET'S GO.
## Back on top in June... ##
LOOKS LIKE I'M IN FOR THE NIGHT.
## I said that's life... ##
- YOU CAN'T TAKE THIS CAR!
- HE TOOK OUR CAR. WE'LL TAKE HIS!
-## But I don't let it get me down... ##
- WHAT A WASTE.
NOW I'M SWINGING!
GO! GO!
## I'VE BEEN A PUPPET,
A PAUPER, A PIRATE ##
## A POET, A PAWN AND A KING ##
## I'VE BEEN UP AND DOWN
AND OVER AND OUT-- ##
WHERE THE HELL AM I?
- HE'S GOING LEFT!
- I SEE HIM!
All: WHOA!
- WHERE THE HELL'S THIS GUY GOING?
-## That's life... ##
YEAH, GO, SAMMY!
OH! OH!
- SHIT!
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I CAN FIX THAT. IT'S
ONLY THE RIGHT SIDE.
## Each time I find myself ##
-## Laying flat on my back... ##
- ( screams )
## I JUST PICK MYSELF UP ##
## AND GET BACK IN THE RACE ##
## THAT'S LIFE! ##
MY LIFE'S NO BED OF
ROSES, THAT'S FOR SURE.
PEOPLE ARE THE PROBLEM.
PEOPLE PUSHING ME AROUND!
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY TO THE
GUY, JUST GET HIM TO PULL OVER!
THE MAN IS A DRUNK LUNATIC. DON'T
YOU THINK THIS IS A LITTLE DANGEROUS?
YOU'RE TELLING ME ABOUT DANGEROUS?
WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S DANGEROUS?
ME GOING HOME AND HAVING
TO EXPLAIN TO MY FATHER
THAT THIS PIECE OF SHIT IS
MY GRANDFATHER'S CADILLAC.
HERE HE IS, AND YOU BETTER TALK TO HIM.
- BE TOUGH!
- EXCUSE ME, SIR?
SIR, PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME?
I BELIEVE THERE'S BEEN
A SLIGHT MIX-UP HERE.
IT SEEMS YOU'VE MISTAKENLY
DRIVEN OFF WITH OUR CAR.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. YOU'RE VERY KIND.
- Les: WHAT THE HELL? - COME ON,
GET THE JUICE- HEAD TO PULL OVER!
- SIR?
- ( belches )
( vomits )
LES, HE JUST VOMITED IN YOUR CAR.
( groans )
( gargling )
OH SHIT!
WHOO! WHAT AIRLINE IS THIS?!
COME ON, GO! YEAH!
- COME ON!
- SHUT UP, DEANO!
HEY, CHECK IT OUT. SPONGEHEAD'S
ACTUALLY DRIVING STRAIGHT.
WHAT HE DO, SOBER UP?
- ( snoring )
- Dean: HOLY SHIT!
- HE'S OUT COLD.
- OH SHIT!
CHARLES, YOU TAKE THE GAS. DEANO, YOU
TAKE THE WHEEL. I'M GOING OUT THERE.
WAIT A MINUTE!