Hello. Stacy? Oh, listen,
I'm sorry. I'm in a meeting.
Just don't panic on the staircase.
At least three people said
how much they liked the screening.
One was my producer, one was
my lawyer and one was Michelle's mother.
Oh, Joe, everybody loved it. We tried to
tell you that last night. You wouldn't listen.
You know, that was the first R-rated
movie I ever saw, and I loved it.
- Did you understand it?
- Well, I understood everything
except the part where the two girls
were in bed together and they were kissing.
What was that supposed to mean?
- Is dinner ready yet?
- No.
- What was that supposed to mean?
- Well, Michelle, uh,
there are certain women who...
- Who...?
- Thanks a lot.
There are certain women
who just don't relate to men, so they...
I think lesbian scenes are a big turnoff.
I shoulda cut it.
- What's goin' on here?
- Never mind. You'll find out.
- Couldn't I be doin' somethin'?
- Just turn off the lights when we tell you.
- Turn on the phonograph when we tell you.
- Yes, ma'am.
Oh, no, don't...
- Where'd you get those hats?
- Not tellin' ya.
That's for us to know and for you to find out.
- Oh, the lights, lights, lights.
- Joe, could you turn off the lights, please?
Now turn on those whachamacallit lights.
Yes, ma'am.
Crash!
Ladies and gentlemen, in honor
of El Stinko, El Blotto's screening
of Joe Gideon's new film, The Standup,
we are proud to present those two
dancing sensations Jagger and Gideon!
- Gideon and Jagger.
- Gideon and Jagger.
Give us our music, Joe.
In an underrehearsed tribute.
- Sit down, Joe, sit down.
- Sit down, Daddy.
And... go!
- I'm nervous.
- I'm nervous too.
Let's go, let's go.
# When trumpets... were mellow
# And everyone only had one fellow
# No need to remember when
# Cos everything old is new again
# I said everything old is new again
# Dancin'at your... Long Island
jazz-age parties
# Waiter, let me have some more Bacardis
# Let's order now what they ordered then
# Cos everything old is new again
- # Get out your white suit, tap shoes and tails
- Scoop, scoop...
- # Let's go backward when forward fails
- Strut.
# Movie stars that you thought are long-dead
- # Now are framed beside your bed
- Look familiar, Joe?
# Don't throw the past away
# You might need it some rainy day
# Dreams can come true again
# Cos everything old is new again
# I said everything old is new again
# Get out your white suit,
your tap shoes and tails
# Let's go backward when forward fails
# Leave Greta Garbo alone
- Go get him!
- # Be a movie star on your own
# And don't throw... don't throw the past away
# Oh, we're all gonna need it some rainy day
# Dreams can come true again
# Well, everything old is new again
# I said everything old is new again- Pretty pictures.
- # I might fall...
# I might fall
- # In love...
- Watch your feet.
# In love
# With...
# You again!
- Can we do it again?
- I don't wanna.
It's showtime, folks.
And these two columns
revolve New York to LA.
And over here on the other side,
the same thing.
There's two staircases down here and
two more that come back into the orchestra.
Oh, yeah, and this centerpiece
moves out for the interior scenes,
and up there, that's Stan.
You'll get familiar with it when we start.
OK, now, all I wanna do now
is to read easily through the script,
and, frankly, I'm not too
familiar with it myself.
So if we go through it, then you'll give Paul
and me some rough idea of what we've got.
OK, no acting.
Everyone just take it easy. Easy.
All right, lights up.
Audrey, you have your first number,
and then you begin reading on page two.
You see, Sammy, in California,
everybody needs a car.
I got a friend who bought a Mercedes
just to get to the bathroom.
I guess only in America can a 24-year-old girl
like me own a house like this in Beverly Hills.
Thank you all very much.
You've done a wonderful job.
Take an hour and a half for lunch.
Don't forget