head,
madam director.
Sorry, look, I'm an actor.
I need something
to help me fulfill this moment.
How's about 5,000 bucks
a week, butt face?
Listen, honeybuns, until we cast
the part of Rhodus the nymph,
we can't cast the head.
Hey, Scotty,
is this what you need?
Ragos, the nympho.
- Nympho.
- Ooh!
Oh, the statue!
Rags.
Oh, no!
Well, hello, everybody.
Great Scott, Scott,
you're a half an hour late.
Get your keister in here.
It's pretty hard to wake up quickly
on your only day off.
I'd think you'd be well rested,
sugar buns,
after sleepwalking
through all your scenes.
Just following
your inspiring direction.
Come on, let's get cracking.
If we don't find our
nymph today,
tomorrow we are screwed.
Who are those guys?
Those are our investors.
And they're very good people, Scott.
Doctors, lawyers, dentists.
Leches.
- I just love investors.
- Yes, I know you do, dear.
Cookie, perhaps you could
trot out the first young lady?
Coming right up, Bobo.
Janay Pilates,
this is our director
and producer and his wife.
Janay is wearing a bathing suit
underneath her dress,
and she wanted to know whether
or not you wanted to see her body
before or after the reading.
I think before.
- Sounds professional to me.
- Definitely.
Dude, what's wrong?
Morgan's punishing me.
- No nooky.
- Why?
When she told me she wasn't
pregnant I was so happy
I French kissed the maid.
Thank you, Janay, A+.
Now let's hear your reading.
"Am I really awake?
Let me pinch myself.
If you love me,
open those lovely lips
and tell me
in your own sweet voice."
"Words of love
are only words,
therefore, think carefully
before you answer me.
Are you really in love with me
or is it just with my body?"
Your body. Next!
"Words of love..."
"...are only words,
therefore..."
"...think carefully before
you answer me."
Shit.
"Are you really in love
with me..."
"...or just with my body?"
- "My body."
- "My body."
- "My body."
- "Body."
- "Body."
- "Body."
Logan:
How about Monique Monet?
She wasn't so bad.
Zacherly:
Wasn't so bad?
She can't even say her name
and make it sound real.
That's because it's not.
Can I get you anything else?
Just coffee, my dear.
- Coffee.
- Make it three.
Nothing. Just some water.
Please.
Three coffees and one water.
Thank you.
Parakalo, my dear.
Oh, I got it.
I got it.
We make her
a poor little mute girl.
That way she can look great but she
doesn't have to say a bloody word.
I suppose the love scenes
will be done in sign language.
Yeah, it's just like ordering dinner
in a sushi bar.
I mean, he points
at everything he wants.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Are you an actress?
No, I'm the waitress.
So are most the actresses I know.
Would you mind reading these
lines of dialogue with me?
I told you,
I'm not an actress.
- Please. I'll leave you a big tip.
- On a glass of water?
Come on.
Okay, but only if you promise
to quit bothering me.
All right, look,
I'll read this and then I'll cue you.
"If you love me, let me know
by opening those lovely lips
and tell me
in your own sweet voice."
"Words of love
are just words,
therefore, think carefully
before you answer me.
Are you really in love with me
or just with my body?" Okay?
Okay? That was more than okay.
That was really good.
You didn't even
tell me your name.
Cleopatra,
but I go by Cleo.
So, Cleo, how would you like
to be in a movie?
How does it end?
Very happily.
I mean, do I end up taking off my
clothes and jumping into bed with you?
That's right.
How'd you know?
I've been in that movie.
It doesn't end happily.
Hey, I'm serious.
We're trying to cast the lead in a film.
You'd be perfect.
You guys, I just read her
and she's great.
Try telling that
to my stepfather.
Oh, what a fine looking citizen.
Well, my dear, perhaps you'll
take off your-- read for us?
Please, try to understand.
I don't even go to the movies
and I have no desire to be in one.
I'm just a