Charles.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
Here, let me help you with that.
- Charles, how do you do?
- Hello.
Macon Leary with a sister
and brothers too.
Who would've guessed?
That Macon Leary had a family...
...just never entered my mind somehow.
I'm right here, Julian.
Yes, I do see a family resemblance.
You're Macon's publisher. I'm the one
who mailed you Macon's chapters.
- Oh, yes.
- I'm supposed to send you some more...
...but first I have to buy 9 by 12 envelopes.
All we've got left is 10 by 13.
It's terrible when things don't fit precisely.
They get all out of alignment.
We wouldn't wanna keep you, Rose.
Oh, no. Here, I'll take that.
The Macon Leary 9 by 12 envelope crisis.
Oh, Julian, drop it.
Sorry.
You know, Macon, if you'd just let me
know what was going on in your life.
I had no idea.
Look, if you want another...
I don't know, another month?
Oh, nonsense.
What's a missing wife or two, right?
Here, let me get what I've typed
and you can check it.
Just what I thought.
You monster, do you know how long
I've been looking for you?
Great.
Call it something catchy.
The Reluctant Tourist.
And you are the fella
to write it.
But I hate to travel.
I thought so.
So do businessmen.
They would rather be at home
in their living rooms.
So you will be helping them
to pretend...
...that that's where they are.
What do you think?
Your logo. You get it?
While armchair travelers
dream of going places...
...traveling armchairs
dream of staying put.
After this, I want you to start
on New York and the Northeast again.
So soon?
It's been three years, Macon.
Edward! Stop it!
Macon, did he get you?
- I wouldn't have a dog like that.
- He's never done that.
I'd call the SPCA or the dogcatcher.
Tell them you want him done away with.
Just go, Julian.
Hold on, hold on.
We have a couple more limas.
Yeah, we do.
What do we have next?
Now I need M's or N's,
anything starting with those.
Then how about these noodles?
N for noodles.
P for pasta?
E for elbow macaroni. You might
have passed those up earlier, Porter.
Rose?
Rose?
It seems Edward's given me
a little sort of nip.
- Oh, Macon.
- How did it happen?
It was an accident,
but I think I need an antiseptic.
- You need a tetanus shot.
- You need to get rid of that dog.
He didn't mean any harm.
Takes your hand off
and he means no harm?
You should get rid of him, I tell you.
- Well, I can't.
- Why not?
Come on, boy. Yeah!
Ethan, you think
you could do that outside?
Right.
I just can't get rid of him,
that's all.
Macon, come sit down.
Let me see what I have.
Maybe we could send him
to obedience school.
Edward, sit.
Now, you kind of cluck
your tongue.
They get to know a cluck means praise.
When I hold my hand out, see...
...that means he has to stay.
Stay.
That was very good.
He's supposed to wear this
till he's trained.
That way, you can yank him back
whenever he does something wrong.
Here you go.
Make him sit.
Sit.
Poke him down.
- He doesn't take you seriously.
- I know that.
Years ago, I saw this ad in the paper:
"Make extra money in your off-hours."
A dog-training firm
that went to people's houses.
Doggie Do, it was called.
Don't you just hate that name?
Who's the lady?
Lady?
- I saw a lady walking through the kitchen.
- Oh, that's Rose.
- Is she your ex-wife, or what?
- She's my sister.
Your sister.
This house belongs to her.
I don't live with anybody either.
You can release him now.
Pardon?
Release your dog.
What do you do for a living?
I write.
- Travel guidebooks.
- Travel guides!
Lucky. I love to travel.
Oh, travel.
It's just red tape, mostly.
Ticket lines, customs lines.
Should Edward be barking that way?
If I could go anywhere,
I'd go to Paris.
It sounds so romantic.
Paris, actually, is terrible.
Everybody's impolite.
Take me with you next time.
I could show you the good parts.
I have a very limited expense account.
I never even took my