perfect.
We don't need nothing for rehearsal.
Ready when you are, Mr. Director.
-All right, page one, Act 1 .
-All right, page one, Act 1 .
Raul?
Raul?
If you're kicked around long enough,
you get to be a real professor of pain.
I know how you feel.
But I'm having a real good time now.
I'm enjoying myself.
So you see, you're not such
a dog as you think you are.
I'm having a very good time too.
So there you are. I'm not such a dog
as I think I am.
I think you're a very nice guy.
I don't know why
a girl hasn't grabbed you.
Yeah, I don't either. I am a nice guy.
I'm also a real smart guy too.
Wait. There's a whole speech yet.
You're not supposed to kiss yet.
Ralph. Doris. Ralph, you have a whole
speech here you haven't even done.
Ralph, you're not supposed to kiss yet.
My mother was French
and very beautiful.
Straight out of some chateau.
She danced every night for hours.
Daddy was in Washington
or out to dinner with clients...
...while Mom was with Tchaikovsky,
Ravel, Mantovani.
You'll meet my stepmother, Claudia.
Trainee witch.
No cracks about being Chinese.
She's had her eyes fixed.
She recuperated in Palm Springs,
where she had her purse stolen.
She lost all her credit cards.
Dad doesn't want to report it, though.
The thief is spending less than she did.
Hi, Daddy.
Hi.
Oh, this is Leroy. Homework.
That was nice. Really.
Sentimental shit.
That was beautiful!
That was beautiful.
It was beautiful.
-Yeah, this is it here.
-You live here?
My sister lives here.
I'm always welcome.
-Very nice place.
-Yeah.
They're very fancy, huh?
I'll wait till you get inside.
No. It's okay. Really.
-Okay.
-It's a good neighborhood.
-It's not much, but--
-Please, come on. That's not necessary.
I should pay you.
You know, I play your tapes
for my customers, you know.
They love that stuff.
My tips go up 20%, at least.
-And my son is happy.
-He's writing some good shit too.
We're gonna be all over the charts
one of these days.
-You make him happy, you know that?
-We're a hot team, you know.
-You make him hotter. You know?
-Sure.
I seem to have that effect on people.
What can I do? Thanks again.
-Good night, Bruno.
-Night. Take it easy.
You're crazy.
You call a doctor?
I don't think she's hurt.
Since when are you
in the thinking business?
She's frightened.
-She's 5 fucking years old!
-Please keep your voice down.
-You're in a church, my son.
-You're in the Dark Ages!
You kiss my ass, Padre.
She needs a doctor! A doctor!
Not the goddamn Holy Ghost!
Is she all right?
You're not attacked by a creep
at 5 years old and all right.
I'm sorry.
Doris, I wasn't there!
I wasn't fucking there!
What about your father?
I happen to be between
fathers right now.
What does that mean?
You got to understand something.
You got to understand
the Puerto Rican woman.
She thinks about
the kids...
...how they gotta have a father.
Love has nothing to do with it.
My mom has an extra room.
She rents it out.
Next thing you know,
I've got a new father.
They're all right, mostly.
They may stay a day...
...or a week or a month,
if we're lucky.
Sometimes they even pay the rent.
They keep out all the rats.
Not animal-type rats.
I'm talking about real rats...
...the junkies and the winos...
...and the shitheads
and the people who beat up...
...Iittle 5-year-old kids.
I got three sisters, see?
One of them, Maria, she's
in kind of a special place.
We see her a couple times a year.
She's got a birth defect.
That's a goddamn lie.
That's a goddamn lie!
Want to know about my father?
My first fucking father?
He ain't no special shit.
He's in New York State Penitentiary.
He's doing time.
I remember this one night
he got bothered...
...because I was making her laugh.
I was telling her stories.
It was just kid stuff.
Flying carpets and dragons.
And he got mad
because she was laughing!
And he said I was telling her lies.
And this one night...
...he