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Симаррон

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I've been required to speak
on various occasions on many subjects.
I've spoken in defense of my country
and in criticism of it.
I've been called upon
to defend and convict...
horse thieves, harlots, and murderers.
And while I know my bible
from cover to cover...
and many of its passages
are graven on my heart...
this, fellow citizens, is the very first time...
that I have ever been required to speak
the word of God in His temple.
For any shelter,
however humble or however sordid...
no offense, Grat...
becomes, when His word is spoken in it...
His temple.
Therefore, let us open
this auspicious occasion by singing...
What do you know, boys, anyway, huh?
How about...
Who Are You At Home, for a starter?
Thanks, Rickey.
It's a good song, though a bit secular.
But you all know it. That's the main thing.
Here, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
While we are singing,
we'll take up a collection.
What for?
Because, Pete, you infidel...
part of a church service
is in taking up a collection...
and your donations, fellow citizens,
ladies and gentlemen...
and you, too, Pete...
will be for the new church organ.
Great guns, Yancey.
We ain't even got a church.
Now, that's all right, Pete.
Once we buy an organ, it stands to reason
we'd have to build a church to put it in...
and, members of the congregation...
anybody contributing less than two bits...
will be thrown out of this tent by me.
Indians not included.
All right, Jesse,
will you please favor us with a pitch?
Will the ladies please join in
with their sweet soprano voices?
Now, once again, please.
Fellow citizens...
the sum of the collection for the organ
for the first Osage church...
whose denomination shall be nameless,
is a gratifying total...
of $133 and 55 cents.
Wait a minute, Grat,
did you say 55 cents? 55?
That's right, Yancey.
Some miserable, tightfisted,
skinflint of a...
Well, maybe it is an Osage by mistake.
How about a Cherokee, Yancey?
Not a Cherokee, Sid.
I recognized your voice by the squeak.
If you knew anything at all, you
and Yountis and the rest of your outfit...
you'd realize that a Cherokee
is too smart...
to put anything in the contribution box of
a race that's robbed him of his birthright.
Friends, we've come to the sermon.
Anyone wishing to leave,
kindly do so now.
Please make way
for all departing worshippers.
My text is from Proverbs.
"A lion is in the way.
There's a lion in the streets."
Friends, there's a lion
in the streets of Osage.
I have a confession to make.
I have gone about seeking information
of this lion.
I might say this jackal or dirty skunk...
if it wouldn't be sacrilegious.
But this jackal in a lion's skin...
who by threatening sudden death...
has held this little town
abjectly terrorized.
I intended to announce from this pulpit...
this platform...
that I would publish this knowledge...
in the first issue
of the Oklahoma Wigwam...
coming off the press next Thursday,
thereby starting my paper off with a bang.
Friends, and fellow citizens...
I repent of my greed...
and my desire for self-advancement
at the expense of this community.
I no longer intend to withhold the name
of that yellow, skunking murderer...
who shot down Jack Paigler
when his back was turned.
I will tell you all now the name of that...
Was Lon Yountis.
Stay where you are.
Louis Hefner...
as coroner, do your official du
Симаррон Симаррон

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