of ass
anytime I want.
Shit, I got Caroline in my bedroom
right now, passed out cold.
I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
What are you waiting for? I don't know.
She's beautiful, and she's built and all that.
[Sighs] I'm just not interested anymore.
Does that really matter, guy?
Yeah, it matters.
She's totally insensitive.
Look what she did to my house.
She doesn't know shit
about love.
Only thing she cares
about is partying.
I want a serious girlfriend.
Somebody I can love,
that's gonna love me back.
Is that psycho?
[Spits]
That's beautiful, Jake.
I think a ton of guys feel the
same way as you do. Really?
Yeah. It's just they don't...
They don't have the balls to admit it.
You know? They're just...
They're wimps.
Samantha's, uh... She's really special, you know?
I'll make a deal with you.
Let me keep these. I'll
let you take Caroline home.
But you gotta make sure she gets home.
You can't leave her in some parking lot somewhere.
Okay?
Jake, I'm only a freshman.
So? She's so blitzed, she
won't know the difference.
Jake, I don't have a car.
You can take mine.
Jake, I don't have a license.
I trust you.
Jake, I'd love to.
I can't. Want a pretzel?
You sure?
Positive.
[Grunts]
I got her.
You got her?
Yeah.
Is this, uh, your car, Jake? No, this is my dad's car.
You said you couldn't
drive a stick.
This is a mother...
This is a Rolls-Royce,
Jake.
So?
So! So.
I heard the grill alone
cost five grand on this.
Five grand!
I don't have five grand.
Then don't hit anything. Ahh, don't hit anything.
Do you want to do this
or not?
No.
[Snoring]
Who the hell?
Who does he...
[Groans]
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
Who's he?
That's me.
Who are you?
I'm him.
Oh.
Okay.
[Chuckles] She's totally gone. Have fun.
Thanks.
[Engine Starts]
Jake, is your dad a big man, or... About 6'4".
Very nice.
Ho.
[Brakes Screech]
Ohh.
Oh.
Ho.
[Brakes Screech]
Easy.
Easy.
~~
[Screech]
[Screech]
[Man]
'Hey, sucker '
[Female Singers]
' What the hell's got into you '
[Dong Laughing]
'Hey, sucker'
[Snorting]
Oh, sexy girlfriend.
Banzai!
[Grunts]
[Cans Clatter]
[Can Clatters]
[Doors Slam]
Think they liked us?
Definitely.
[Rock] Whoo! Go, darling geek!
Uh, could we turn that music
down? I'm a first-time driver.
I need to concentrate.
[Horn Honks]
Excuse me!
Stop that.
[Laughing] Looks like rain. Better put the top up!
Will you stop that? You can get us
in a lot of trouble doin' that!
This is a car!
[Brakes Squeal]
It hasn't got
Triple A on it.
Chugalug, Pooh bear.
[Laughing]
I can't believe you're so popular, acting like this.
[Bottle Crashing]
[Phone Ringing]
Relax!
Hello?
Oh, uh, I don't know.
I'll have to look.
Mr. Ryan, are you in here? He's not...
Mr. Ryan's not in right now.
My Christmas present
to you!
Thank you. No. Really. Serious.
See? See?
[Continues]
Thank you.
[Laughing]
Now we're both
on the pill!
[Spitting]
You gave me a
birth control pill?
You have any idea what that'll do to a guy my age?
I know exactly what it'll do
to a girl my age.
"Just climb in the car!"
Shit.
It makes it okay to be super careless. Wait, wait!
[Horn Honking]
Ha-ha!
Look, we're not going any further
until you stop these childish antics.
Don't be such a poop.
Huh. On second thought.
I love you.
This is getting good.
["Peter Gunn"]
[Crash]
[Dog Barking]
Ted, what the hell
are you doing?
Are those humongous jocks
back?
[Headgear Beeping]
Do you have any film in your camera? What?
Take those ridiculous things off. [Beeping Stops]
Do you have any film in your camera? Sure.
Okay. Go get it and bring it
outside. Okay? Right out front.
What for? Look, just get it
and come on out front, okay?
U.F.O.?
It's better.
Extraterrestrial? It's better!
All right? Just get it and come outside.
[Together]
Female