till I was sure.
How did this happen?
It was an accident.
Anyhow, this is why
I'm saying
maybe now this isn't
the best time
for you to be out of work
or starting a new job.
You know, if you'd told me there
was a chance of this happening,
I might not have quit
in the first place.
Well, you never told me there
was a chance you might quit.
It was a spur-of-the-moment
decision. Pretty big one.
So what are you saying
I should do?
Crawl back to work and kiss Dave's
feet and get my crappy job back?
I quit! If I go back now,
they got me. I'm a eunuch!
You know, this puts a
minor crimp in my life, too.
I was thinking about starting back
to work in the fall. Now I can't.
Well, that's the difference
between men and women.
Women have choices.
Men have responsibilities.
Oh, really?
Oh, okay, well,
then I choose for you to have
the baby, okay? That's my choice.
You have the baby.
You get fat.
You breastfeed
till your nipples are sore.
I'll go back to work!
All right, let's return from la-la
land because that ain't gonna happen.
And whether I crawl back to
Dave or I get another job,
it's obvious now I'm going to
have to spend less time at home.
I'm gonna have to have
business dinners,
and I'm gonna have to
play racquetball,
and I'm gonna have to
get guys laid,
so I hope you don't mind if I
bring a few prostitutes home, honey,
because that's what it
takes to get anywhere,
and I'm not
getting anywhere,
so whatever happens, you have
to count on less help from me.
Why don't you just say
what you're really thinking?
What am I thinking?
That I should have
an abortion?
I didn't say that.
That's a decision every
woman has to make on her own.
What, are you running
for Congress?
Don't give me that. I want your
opinion about what we should do.
Let's pretend
it's your decision, okay?
Pretend you're a caveman or your
father. What do you want me to do?
I want...
I want
whatever you want.
Well, I wanna have the baby.
Well, great! Let's have it, then. Let's
see how I can screw the fourth one up.
Hey, let's have five.
Let's have six!
Let's have a dozen
and pretend they're donuts!
I'm really happy about the way
things are turning out, aren't you?
You know, with the
frame of mind you're in,
not only am I not sure
we should have another baby,
I'm not sure we should
keep the three we've got.
Well, I'm ready
to discuss it.
However, I can't right now
because I gotta go
to the goddamn Little League.
Ten little boys
are waiting for me
to guide them
into last place.
You really have to go?
My whole life is "have to. "
Come on, Kevin,
get your glove.
You said I didn't
have to play anymore.
I know what I said, but
now I'm changing my mind.
If I have to go, you
have to go. Move it!
Kevin,
this one's for you.
Get behind the ball.
It's easier to come in.
Hi, Dad. What are you
doing here?
Karen said
you were here.
Can I speak to you
a second?
Yeah.
Hey, Wayne, can you take over a second?
What's up?
I need your advice.
Wait a second. My head
is spinning. Come on.
Look,
Larry needs $26,000 or
gamblers are gonna kill him.
Jesus!
I'm supposed to decide
whether to give it to him.
And you want my advice?
Why me? Why now?
Because I know you think
I was a shitty father.
Thank you
for not arguing.
And I know you're a
good father, so, tell me,
what would you do?
You got
that kind of money?
I got it,
but it's gonna hurt.
I wanted to retire next year.
This'll put that off for a while,
a long while.
I never
should've had four.
You know, when you were
two years old,
we thought
you had polio.
You know about that?
Yeah, Mom once said
something. Yeah, well,
for a week,
we didn't know.
I hated you for that.
What?
I did.
I did. I hated
having to go through that.
The caring, the worrying,
the pain,
that's not for me.
You know, it's not
like that all ends
when you're 18
or 21 or 41 or 61.
It never, never ends.
It's like