Skull for Sammy.
She just found
her mother's head
in the dryer.
I read for it
yesterday.
Don't laugh.
I'm not laughin'.
I think that's the same scream
your mother used
when she met me.
I'm tellin' you, I'm red-hot.
I mean, six months ago,
I'm a nobody, right?
Right.
And then my theater group
does this reading.
I meet this guy.
He knows this agent,
and it's inside track time.
I mean,
I've been goin' up
on commercials.
I haven't exactly
been in one yet,
but my hand has.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I'm not gonna
waitress forever, am I?
No. You're great.
I've always told you
you were great.
Yeah. You did.
But then
they locked you up.
Yeah.
[Man]
So we pick up this kid.
Now, it's 3::00 a.m.
He's walkin'down Fifth Avenue
with a brand-new,
21-inch color TV.
I asked him
where he got it.
"Some dude. I never
saw him before. "
[Laughing]
"And this dude gave you
a brand-new color TV...
in the middle of the night
just to hold?"
"Yes. That's right. I thought
it was pretty strange myself
at the time."
[Laughing]
This is what is known
in legal circles...
as the "mysterious dude"
defense.
[Laughing]
That story just
keeps gettin' funnier.
I remember when you first
started tellin' it,
right after the war.
You know what I find
fascinating?
Male vanity.
I mean, you accept it
in a peacock,
but it's harder to take
from a putz like you.
I gotta listen to this crap
from a guy who orders his pants
through the mail?
Did you guys
log out with Alvarez?
Yeah, but that was
this morning.
Well, his wife's
been calling.
If you see him.
[Clears Throat,
Coughs]
[Coughs]
Bingo.
Very thorough.
Names, dates,
dollar figures.
Every sucker
we ever shook down?
This officially concludes
Mr. Alvarez's investigation.
We're lookin' good.
We've got a dead
New York City cop,
and we've got a witness.
Ergo, we are not
looking good.
Speak English,
asshole.
A dead man is not a witness.
No, it doesn't look...
It doesn't look bigger.
It just looks nicer.
Oh, Jesus.
It does.
I'm home.
This is where
you live?
Yeah.
Wow.
[Clicks Tongue]
Boy.
Sane people get
all the breaks, huh?
Look, uh, I can't
invite you up.
Sure, you can. You just say,
"Hey, Bill, you wanna come up?"
No. Um, this is
my friend's place.
Is this friend a guy?
Yeah.
Ah.
Look, Bill, he's got a job,
and he pays his bills.
I never had to
bail him out of jail.
You know.
[Sighs]
A woman sometimes
finds that attractive in a man.
Sounds dull.
His name is Ed,
and I told you
all about him.
You told me you were datin' him.
This is a pretty serious date.
You've been gone
for over a year and a half.
How long did you expect me
to hold my breath out here?
You want the truth?
Okay, there is
no weekend pass.
This doctor
brings us into the city
to see a Yankee game,
and then he disappears
on 48th Street.
He took numb-nuts
down an alley to take a pee,
and the doctor never came back.
So where are
these other, um...
Nuts?
Right.
I don't know.
Boy, you ought to
see these guys.
They're a couple
of beauties.
One guy barely speaks,
one thinks he's Jesus,
and the other one,
he's crazier
than any of them.
Kinda reminds me
of your brother Lenny.
Oh, boy.
What's gonna happen
to them?
How the hell
should I know?
They're just
a bunch of screwballs
from my group.
Group therapy?
No. My fencing group.
Yeah, group therapy.
Wait a minute.
You and these guys
get together...
and share the most intimate
secrets of your lives,
and then when
there's a problem,
you just walk away
and leave them?
[Scoffs]
Fine. Fine.
I'm totally
irresponsible,
all right? Okay?
You satisfied?
I see you haven't
changed much, Billy.
You almost knocked
that plant over.
I can't believe you.
Have a nice life.
Thanks. I will.
[Motor Whirring]
Stop! Who dares to tow
the van of the living Christ?
The city of New York,
Tarzan.
Fifty for the violation.
Seventy-five
for the tow...
and twenty bucks