Guys screw around.
There's nothing wrong with that.
- Except you got caught.
- Mum already reamed me, all right.
You want to miss a match?
You want to blow your ride?
No school's going to give
a scholarship to a discipline case.
Well, well. Here we are.
I want to congratulate you
for being on time.
Excuse me, sir.
There's been a mistake.
I know it's detention,
but I don't think I belong in here.
It is now 7:06.
You have eight hours and 54 minutes
to think about why you're here,
to ponder the error of your ways.
You may not talk.
You will not move from these seats.
And you...will not sleep.
We're going to try
something a little different.
We are going to write an essay
of no less than a thousand words,
describing who you think you are.
- Is this a test?
- When I say essay, I mean essay.
I do not mean a single word
repeated a thousand times.
- Is that clear, Mr Bender?
- Crystal.
(Man) Good. Maybe you'll learn
something about yourself.
Maybe you'll decide
whether you care to return.
I can answer that right now, sir.
That would be "no" for me because...
- Sit down, Johnson.
- Thank you, sir.
(Man) My office is right across that hall.
Any monkey business is ill-advised.
Any questions?
(Bender) Yeah, I've got a question.
Does Barry Manilow
know you raid his wardrobe?
I'll answer that next Saturday.
Don't mess with the bull, young man -
you'll get the horns.
That man...he's a brownie hound.
(Chipping)
You keep eating your hand, you're not
going to be hungry for lunch.
I've seen you before, you know.
Who do I think I am? Who are you?
Who are you?
I am the walrus.
It's the shits, huh?
(Bender hums)
I can't believe this is happening.
Shit! What are we supposed to do
if we have to take a piss?
- Please.
- If you've got to go, you've got to go.
- My God!
- You're not urinating in here.
- Don't talk! It crawls back up.
- Whip it out and you're dead!
You're pretty sexy
when you get angry. Grrr!
Homeboy, why don't you
close that door?
We'll get the prom queen impregnated.
- Hey! Hey!
- What?
- If I lose my temper, you're totalled.
- Totally?
- Totally.
- Just shut up. Nobody is interested.
Really. Buttface.
What did you do to get in here?
Forget to wash your jock?
I think we should write our papers.
Living in here doesn't give you
the right to be a pain in the ass.
- It's a free country.
- He's doing it to get a rise out of you.
Ignore him.
Sweets...
you couldn't ignore me if you tried.
So...
Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?
Steady dates?
Lovers?
Come on, Sporto. Level with me.
Do you slip her the hot beef injection?
- Go to hell!
- Enough!
What's going on in there?
Smug little pricks.
Scumbag.
Shall we close that door? We can't
party with Vernon checking us out.
- It's supposed to stay open.
- So?
So shut up. There's four others here.
You can count.
You have to be smart to be a wrestler.
- Who are you to judge anybody?
- Really.
You don't count. If you disappeared,
it wouldn't make any difference.
You may as well not exist
at this school.
Well, I'll just run right out
and join the wrestling team.
Maybe the Prep Club, too.
Student Council.
- They wouldn't take you.
- I'm hurt.
You know why guys like you
knock everything? You're afraid.
You're so smart. That's why
I'm not heavy in activities.
- You're a coward.
- I'm in the Maths Club.
You're afraid they won't take you,
so you just dump all over it.
It wouldn't have anything to do
with you people being assholes?
You don't even know any of us.
I don't know any lepers, but
I'm not joining their fucking club.
- Watch the mouth.
- I'm in the Physics Club, too.
What are you babbling about?
What I said was,
I'm in the Maths Club, the Latin Club
and the Physics Club.
Hey, Cherry...
- Do you belong to the Physics Club?
- That's an academic club.
(Bender) So?
- They aren't the same as other clubs.
- Ah, but to dorks like him, they are.
What do you do