made him boss?
There might be poisonous snakes here.
No, there are no snakes.
They introduced the mongoose here...
a long time ago.
The mongoose, of course, kills snakes.
- What's a mongoose?
- It's a big rat about a foot long...
with great big teeth.
- This must be north.
- North, schmorth.
What are we doing, making a map?
What are you, Marco Polo?
We just want to get out of here.
If we don't know
what direction we're going in...
we could be going in circles, you fool.
I, for one, am getting very hungry.
Don't worry, honey,
I think that's wild sugarcane.
Randy, I'm not about to eat real sugar.
Yeah, we'll find you a Sweet'N Low field.
Would you move?
I hope that was your finger.
I could have done the same dive myself
if I didn't have this diarrhea.
Oh, boy.
This is perfect.
I've lost my money, I've lost my club,
and now I've lost my guests.
Well, maybe they took a hike.
No, this is not a hiking crowd.
That's it, Randy. I can't go on.
Don't give up, baby.
We're almost out of here.
We've been tramping around here for
three hours. There's no way out of here.
No, we're close.
I can sense it, almost smell it.
You know, I was a boy scout, honey.
I've been watching the sun all afternoon
and sighting on that mountaintop.
I've been keeping
the mountain on our right...
and walking perpendicular
to the line of the sun's movement.
We're okay, honey. Trust me.
Besides, I know for a fact that the island
is only 7 miles across...
at its widest point, which would be
from Puerto Maria on the north coast...
to Prince Charlestown on the south coast.
So even if we had to cross
from shore to shore...
the longest it would take
would be four hours...
even if we had to average
less than 2 miles an hour.
No, we'll be okay.
- I'm sure of it. Don't worry about a thing.
- Randy.
You know what's funny, honey?
I like it out here.
It's primal and it's honest.
You don't survive the jungle
in a tie and a suit.
You survive with pure animal instinct.
God, my senses are alive.
When I'm out here,
I ask the really big questions, like:
"ls it man against nature, or is it...
"man in harmony with nature?"
The latter, I think.
You know what I'm talking about, honey?
It's a snake! Don't panic!
It's a Burmese.
They're swallowers, not biters.
I... Linda!
Linda!
Yeah, they'll come back, in little boxes.
Pansy, double. Anything.
- We got a big problem, Mr. Monkey.
- Don't tell me about it, Pansy.
We lost one of them sailboards.
What do you mean, "lost"?
Someone took it out,
and they didn't bring it back.
- Which someone?
- Named Barry.
Oh, God.
- Those cost a lot of money. Where is he?
- He didn't come back, neither.
Desmond say he see him go way, way out.
Say he was good, too.
Oh, my God.
That's 10 people lost in one day.
What is this, the Bermuda Triangle?
- Shouldn't we call the police?
- No, no. No, don't.
I think they'll be calling me real soon.
Now, remain calm.
We'll go down to the marina.
We'll get as many boats out there
as possible and look for him.
Pansy, do me a favor.
Tell all the survivors, I mean, guests...
to stay in their room, big storm coming.
- Okay? No problem.
- No problem.
Help! Help!
Help!
- Help, yes. Help, help.
- Hello.
Help me, you schmucks!
Wait. Wait, listen.
- Is that music?
- Yeah.
That's a blender.
- Civilization. Let's go!
- We're saved!
- Come on!
- Oh, God!
Hello.
- We've been in the woods, so the leaf.
- Hey, gorgeous.
Look at this. We walk into the Taj Mahal,
and I'm wearing a towel.
This is completely humiliating.
And I am wearing a leaf!
- Any luck?
- No, not a trace.
They finally called off the search.
Five miles out,
I thought I saw a shark flossing.
Anything I can do to help?
Yeah. You ever heard
of a Chinese basket job?
No, but it sounds like fun.
Philadelphia,
I should have taken your advice.
I'm not cut out for this.
Why don't I just sell to Gundy
and get the hell out of here?
You can't