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Кин-Дза-Дза

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the koo…”
Uncle Vova, your coat is coming,
wearing my hat.
Hi!
How are things?
What’s new... on Pluke?
Sing!
We seem to be
in bad voice today.
Sing!
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
I can't stand this any longer...
Easy, Fiddler.
How much is this?
One hundred.
Seems like we've sung enough.
How much is this one?
50.
Ecilop!
Patsaks!
Why aren't you wearing muzzles?
Turn around!
New orders from Mr PJ!
All Patsaks must now
wear muzzles...
...and be glad.
So, this is for me,
and this is for you.
And this is for you.
Why aren't you glad?
Answer me!
Dare to point your gun,
Chatlanian!
Put the muzzle on! Now!
Yes, sir.
- And be glad!
- I’m glad. Ho ho.
Oh look, PJ is here!
Where?
Aaah...
- Get up!
Get up!
Open your mouth!
Open it wider!
Fiddler, a gag!
Quick!
These people...
Turn around!
Nose!
Give me the money back!
OK, hold these... like that!
Take this off!
If you think it’s not
a friggin’ tranklucator,
it'll be the last thought
in your Chatlanian head!
Use the shortest route!
To the ecikh... march!
Everybody down!
For half an hour!
Move!
Move!
Faster!
Excuse me, granny...
- Kyoo!
That was... mama of Mr PJ...
Is it a video of PJ?
No sir... HIMSELF!
Everyone get in the slop… now!
Koo! Open the door!
Stay there for 24 hours!
Koo, or not koo?!
- Koo...
Here it is...
Which number?
The last one.
Hello...
- Hey, Chatlanian! Sing!
- Wuu...
Fiddler, stop it.
Wheel out the last but one.
- Kyoo!
- Scat!
Hello, Gedevan Alexandrovich.
Gamardzhoba!
(‘Hi!’ in Georgian)
Get out of the ecikh.
No way.
They'll catch us again.
Hey! We have a gravitsapa.
- Koo!
- Koo, uncle Vova!
Well, koo...
Cut it.
Right here.
All together now!
Uncle Vova!
Help me roll the ecikh out!
Leave it!
Vladimir Nikolaevich!
Humankind worked hard
for thousands of years...
...just to get a single stone
from the moon!
And here we have a real alien,
and an ecikh...
…made of unknown metal!
I said, leave it!
Tsapa.
Yes sir! Tsapa!
Tsapa!!!
Twirl the tsapa!
I did!
Koo!
Are we flying?
She’s warming up!
Brothers! Be quick!
Soon, they will come
to their senses!
Don't interfere.
She's landed.
Landed where?
Hanoud.
And what's Hanoud?
The planet where I was born.
And so was I.
It’s night.
Now it's always night here.
Time to put this on.
What for?
There's no bloody air here.
But how do they live here?
Nobody's lived here for years.
The Plukanians completely
tranklucated Hanoud
while we were on tour.
Why?
Because we didn't have time
to do them first.
And why did you want
to do them?
So they’d stop hanging
over our heads.
Oh! Did everybody perish?
Of course.
Vova, I've a proposition.
This planet, Hanoud,
now costs kopecks.
63 chatls.
We’ll tour the galaxy for a month
singing ‘Mama, Mama’…
…and the planet is ours!
Another month –
and we’ll be able to buy air.
93 chatls.
People lacking air
will rush straight here…
The air belongs to us!
You see?
They'll crawl before us,
and we'll spit on them.
What for?
For fun!
Where's the fun in that?
Too young to understand!
Half of the planet could be yours,
the other half ours. OK?
Oh yeah,
this is very tempting...
…but we need to go back
to Earth, guys.
Let’s move! The supermarket
closes in half an hour.
Vova, quit messin’ around...
Just look.
We're here.
Earth is there.
And there's Alpha.
On Alpha they turn us
into cactuses.
Earth is in the Anti-Tenture,
my friend.
And there's no way
that we can reach it,
got it?
What?!
That’s how it is.
I've had bad luck all my life.
A pepelats can’t get to Earth!
So, Vova, quit arguin'!
Right?!
Let's go and decide
how we will divide the planet.
Did you learn about this
in the planetarium?
Yes, my friend.
That’s why you stole the match?
Of course.
They're lying, Uncle Vova.
Don't believe them.
Get us to Earth, that's all!
No, Gedevan, they're not lying.
They'd crawl across the whole universe
for a chance to get some matches...
Кин-Дза-Дза Кин-Дза-Дза

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