- Me?!
Oh, I feeI so bad!
Bespeak again, aren't you a demon?
I toId you aIready.
I'm not a demon!
Don't dare Iying to me!
You're Iying to a tsar!
Not by human wish, but by God's wiII,
am I the tsar!
Very weII!
I see that you're a tsar...
AIas, aIas, I'm the tsar
Ivan VassiIyevich!
Send me back, magician!
I cannot! You see,
because ofthis poIe-axe!
Thank you!
The transistors have burned,
so I cannot send you back
untiI I buy the new ones.
- Buy them, then.
- The stores are cIosed for Iunch.
Oh, woe is me!
- Take it easy, Ivan VassiIyevich!
- Oh, woe is me!
- do You drink vodka?
- Yes, the anise one!
Good.
UnfortunateIy, there's no anise vodka.
I say, there's no anise vodka,
onIy StoIichnaya!
Drink it!
- Taste it from My cup.
- Why?
Go on, taste it...
You think I want to poison you?
We don't do that any more,
and in our day, you'd sooner get
poisoned with canned food, than vodka.
Don't be afraid, drink up!
- Let you be heaIthy, Boyar!
- Your heaIth!
- Was it your housekeeper Who made it?
- Let's suppose so. Eat something!
- Who made this machine? You?
- Yes.
I had a man Iike you.
He made wings.
- WeII?
- What do you mean, weII?
I put him on a gun-powder barreI.
It made him fIy! Ha-ha!
Why did you do it?
No, no. I don't drink. I don't drink,
Ivan VassiIyevich. Thank you.
- Don't you have any respect for me?
- For God's sake, Ivan VassiIyevich!
- Then drink.
- Just a IittIe. Enough! Enough!
- WeII, be heaIthy!
- Your heaIth!
So, you Iive here?
- WeII, very cramped quarters.
- Sure, it's not Iike tsar's chambers.
- Yes, that's right.
- Anyway, it's an individuaI fIat.
And your woman,
is she at church?
My woman eIoped today with
her Iover, Yakin, to the Caucasus.
You are kidding?!
Did you send men to catch them?
When they catch them, first thing
have Yakin impaIed, and then...
Why?
They're in Iove with each other.
I wish them every happiness.
How kind you are!
Oh, God! What's going on?
I sit here, whiIe the Swedes
are taking Kem there.
Send me back, Boyar.
Go and buy those transistors.
Just a minute.
I'm busy.
CaII me Iater.
- I'm going with you.
- Right onto the street?
No, Ivan VassiIyevich,
wait for me here.
Hurry up, though, Boyar!
I'm in a hurry myseIf.
I must rescue those two, as weII.
What's going to happen to them?
- They'II be beheaded, that's aII.
- That's aII?
To heII with them!
Take the demons aIive!
Wait!
Eureka!
The tsar's garb!
Put them on.
You'II be the tsar!
No way!
Put them on, or I'II kiII you!
TaIk to me, my dear guitar,
My friend of seven strings.
AII my heart is open ajar,
And the night with moonIight sings.
WeII, once,
then another time,
And again many, many, many times.
Yes, once and again, and again
many, many times.
BIue cornfIowers in the fieId,
A Iong path Iies ahead.
My heart is torn between the guiIt
And the stars unread.
WeII, once, then another time,
And again many, many, many times.
Yes, once and again, and again
many, many times.
- WeII, how do I Iook?
- Not Iike him! You're a fake!
Let me tie up your teeth at Ieast.
You're a pain in the neck!
- the other tsar Iooks smarter.
- Don't get personaI, pIease!
Sit down!
Occupy yourseIfwith matters of state.
Take the stick.
- Go ahead, dictate.
- Dictate what?
The tsar, repeat it,
of aII Russia...
The tsar, repeat it,
of aII Russia...
Don't repeat "repeat it"!
Quiet!
So you say:
"The tsar and Grand Duke..."
I wrote it, comma.
Where the heII
is our secretary?
What's up, comrades?
I'm asking you,
what's up?
Who's that parasite who dared to
break the door in the tsar's quarters?
Did they put it here
for you to break it?
Go on, Your Majesty!
"...is bowing Iow...", semicoIon.
I'm waiting for the answer
to my question!
The tsar! The tsar's here!
He's here!
The tsar's here!
Sit!
Where eIse can he be?
The tsar's in his pIace!
Have mercy, don't put me to death,
our kind sire!
The demons grabbed you,
we