's three-to-one. You lose, fellow.
France is world famous for its cuisine,
so anything will be great.
Order what you want.
Garзon.
Nous voulons commander а dйjeuner.
Les enfants desire hamburger et frites.
Coca-Cola for the les enfants.
Votre meilleur vin.
You want the soufflй?
My femme would like to
commander the soufflй fromage.
Et moi, I'll have the veau, the veal.
Good choice.
Du brie.
Just a little brie, yeah.
We'll get that later. Merci beaucoup.
Okay, just a little bit. That's about it.
Where would you find a waiter like that
in the United States?
Honey, speak the language,
they're going to be nice. Just try.
There she is, kids. The Eiffel Tower.
921 feet of historic landmark.
That's more than an acre to us, Russ.
- Let's go to the top, Dad.
- Yeah. Let's go.
It's magnificent.
It's breathtaking.
I'm glad we decided to be pigs.
Thank your father.
Thanks, Dad.
It's so beautiful, I feel so...
I feel my juices are just...
It makes me so...
I want to write. I want to paint.
I want to sculpt something massive.
I've got a creative urge to...
I wonder if there's a men's room
around here?
Look at those things.
- Let's get our picture taken.
- No, they're silly.
- I'll buy one for Jack.
- Okay.
Rusty.
Russ, what's wrong?
I feel like an idiot because
of this stupid hat you made me wear.
I want to talk to you.
Two things. First, you're never an idiot.
You're a Griswald.
Understand that?
Second, you know I'd never do anything
to injure you.
You know I'd never do anything
to hurt my opinion of myself.
If the beret bothers you, it bothers me.
If it upsets you, it upsets me.
How did you enjoy shopping today?
Wait until you see what I got.
I got it because the saleslady
said it's one of a kind.
I'll never find another like it.
I know it's silly...
...but I only got it for you.
Honey, I wouldn't want the kids
to see me in something like this.
Sparky, it's our first night in Paris.
Let's do something romantic.
- I'm taking you out to dinner.
- "Out"?
I felt like staying in.
I thought it would be really nice
to be alone.
I'd never go anywhere without you.
Cheer up.
I promised you a night on the town.
We'll see some French culture.
You'll love it.
Down with the feet, hip distance apart...
...stomachs pulled in, buttocks tight.
Let's start with head rolls.
To the right and back and left and forward.
Isn't this great?
They've done this for eons in France.
This is real culture.
Exhale and raise your arms over your head.
Reach with the right...
Clark, could I have the coat check?
I think I've had enough French culture
for one evening.
- Look.
- I am looking.
Back there.
- It's just a hooker. They're everywhere.
- Look who she is with.
Russell Griswald.
Oink, oink, my good man.
- How did you get in?
- I paid.
- I'm surprised at you.
- I'm surprised at you, Dad.
Don't talk back.
- Who was that cheap slut?
- Cherie's not a slut.
I'm disappointed in you.
Who said, "When in Rome,
do as the Romans do"?
I said Rome, not Paris.
This is Paris, and you're drunk.
Hold it!
Let me have it!
Today is my turn.
- Give them to me.
- No!
Look what you did to them.
They're mine!
How many times do I have to tell you that?
Will you slow down?
The kids are exhausted.
It closes in 15 minutes.
There are 100,000 works of art to see.
Great. Are you happy, Dad? She's dead.
I'm proud of you guys.
We've seen everything in Paris,
and we're on schedule.
Can't we slow down a little bit?
I'm exhausted.
We'll have a relaxing time
with my relatives in Germany.
Enjoying Paris?
Have you seen the Louvre yet?
Not yet.
The Left Bank is charming.
We plan to go there.
- Been up the Eiffel Tower yet?
- No, but it's on our list.
Have a good time.
What a waste. We've seen 10 times
as much as they have.
Hi, sweetie. You want some breakfast?
I'm not hungry.
He's