magnifique, huh?
I'll go get the kids.
Good idea. We'll get a move on.
- Where's Dad?
- I'm right here.
Just looking for the Bible. There it is.
Everybody ready?
We got a schedule to keep.
I vote we don't see any more museums.
I vote we don't get anything else to eat.
What's this?
Do I detect a note of dissension?
Yeah, Dad. Paris sucks!
Everyone's so rude.
- Come on, we're the visitors here.
- This isn't Wally World, it's a country.
We're the ambassadors of America here.
To be accepted, we have to fit in,
speak the language...
...wear French clothes.
That's why I got us all berets.
Come on, Dad.
This is really rank.
Come on now, Russ. Loosen up.
You don't want to look like a tourist.
All the French wear these.
It's the national hat.
I won't wear it. It looks stupid.
No girl will want to talk to me.
Then I guess they'll all talk to me.
I vote for berets.
I second the motion.
Berets.
That's three-to-one. You lose, fellow.
France is world famous for its cuisine,
so anything will be great.
Order what you want.
Garзon.
Nous voulons commander а dйjeuner.
Les enfants desire hamburger et frites.
Coca-Cola for the les enfants.
Votre meilleur vin.
You want the soufflй?
My femme would like to
commander the soufflй fromage.
Et moi, I'll have the veau, the veal.
Good choice.
Du brie.
Just a little brie, yeah.
We'll get that later. Merci beaucoup.
Okay, just a little bit. That's about it.
Where would you find a waiter like that
in the United States?
Honey, speak the language,
they're going to be nice. Just try.
There she is, kids. The Eiffel Tower.
921 feet of historic landmark.
That's more than an acre to us, Russ.
- Let's go to the top, Dad.
- Yeah. Let's go.
It's magnificent.
It's breathtaking.
I'm glad we decided to be pigs.
Thank your father.
Thanks, Dad.
It's so beautiful, I feel so...
I feel my juices are just...
It makes me so...
I want to write. I want to paint.
I want to sculpt something massive.
I've got a creative urge to...
I wonder if there's a men's room
around here?
Look at those things.
- Let's get our picture taken.
- No, they're silly.
- I'll buy one for Jack.
- Okay.
Rusty.
Russ, what's wrong?
I feel like an idiot because
of this stupid hat you made me wear.
I want to talk to you.
Two things. First, you're never an idiot.
You're a Griswald.
Understand that?
Second, you know I'd never do anything
to injure you.
You know I'd never do anything
to hurt my opinion of myself.
If the beret bothers you, it bothers me.
If it upsets you, it upsets me.
How did you enjoy shopping today?
Wait until you see what I got.
I got it because the saleslady
said it's one of a kind.
I'll never find another like it.
I know it's silly...
...but I only got it for you.
Honey, I wouldn't want the kids
to see me in something like this.
Sparky, it's our first night in Paris.
Let's do something romantic.
- I'm taking you out to dinner.
- "Out"?
I felt like staying in.
I thought it would be really nice
to be alone.
I'd never go anywhere without you.
Cheer up.
I promised you a night on the town.
We'll see some French culture.
You'll love it.
Down with the feet, hip distance apart...
...stomachs pulled in, buttocks tight.
Let's start with head rolls.
To the right and back and left and forward.
Isn't this great?
They've done this for eons in France.
This is real culture.
Exhale and raise your arms over your head.
Reach with the right...Clark, could I have the coat check?
I think I've had enough French culture
for one evening.
- Look.
- I am looking.
Back there.
- It's just a hooker. They're everywhere.
- Look who she is with.
Russell Griswald.
Oink, oink, my good man.
- How did you get in?
- I paid.
- I'm surprised at you.
- I'm surprised at you, Dad.
Don't talk back.
- Who was that cheap slut?
- Cherie's not a slut.
I'm disappointed in you.
Who said, "When in Rome,
do as the Romans do"?
I said Rome, not Paris.
This is