never actually
going to pay me back?
Just because he paid for your
headshots, you're gonna take him?
I don't think you're comprehending
just how slutty this dress is.
It's not just the stuff he paid for.
It's everything, you know?
He read lines with me.
He went with me on auditions.
Then he consoled me
after I didn't get parts.
You always believed in me, man,
even when I didn't.
I always knew you were gonna make it.
I'm so proud of you.
Thanks, that means a lot to me.
Mon, maybe one of these guys
wants to wear your dress.
- I'm gonna go shave.
- Yeah, well, I'm gonna go spit.
I have to pee.
If I don't come out, it's because I've
choked to death on the potpourri stink.
You hold her nose, I'll blow in her
mouth and the kid'll just... out of her.
She's a week late.
She's got to have it today.
I don't know. I think
it's still gonna be a while.
Care to make it interesting?
- I bet you she'll have it tomorrow.
- You're on.
- Okay, how much?
- One hundred thousand dollars.
- How about 50 bucks?
- I'll call Zurich and move some money.
All right, whose turn is it
to help me get up?
No one's here.
Oh, damn it!
This is exciting. So glamorous! People
taking our picture. How do I look?
- A little tall.
- What?
Would you crouch down a bit
so that I look taller?
There you go.
It's just so glamorous.
Oh, hey, Mon? Rach is here.
And you're still pregnant.
I'm sorry. I know
how uncomfortable you are.
You know what? You look great.
Yeah, like 50 bucks.
I have to go pee. Apparently this baby
thinks my bladder is a squeeze toy.
Damn it. Here's your 50 bucks.
That's interesting that you lost.
Now, I forget, do you like to lose?
All right, stop it.
- Double or nothing she has it tomorrow.
- Fine.
Until then, General Grant, why don't
you set up camp... right there?
- Rachel here? We have an appointment.
- In the bathroom.
- Rach, we gotta go.
- In a minute!
People ask why we're not together.
I just don't know what to tell them.
- All right, let's go.
- Do you want to go change first?
The doctor's staying open late for us,
but if you hurry...
- No, I'm fine.
- You don't think that's inappropriate?
- What?
- Good God, man. Don't anger it.
Ross, it is 100 degrees outside.
For the first time in weeks, I am...
Fine. Whatever you want.
You're the mommy.
No! Don't call me "Mommy."
It's bad enough you call
your own mother that.
I'm actually with her on this one.
I thought I knew who the enemy was...
Okay, this is it. This is
my big fight scene coming up.
I'm fighting for every man
in the 82nd Ground Division.
Ross?
Can I ask you something?
When Carol was pregnant with Ben...
...were you this irritating?
- Excuse me?
- Nothing. You're just...
You've been a little short with me
lately. I'm not trying to irritate you.
Well, then, you must have
a natural talent for it.
The doctor will be in soon.
Why don't we not speak until then?
Seriously. Breathe louder, Ross.
That's great.
We should ask the doctor
if she even knows...
...how to deliver a baby
that's half human, half pure evil!
- Hi, Dr. Long. How are you?
- You're nice to her.
She has the drugs.
We'll do a quick check.
Eight days late, huh?
You must be getting uncomfortable.
Yeah, just a tad.
You're 80% effaced. You're on your way.
It still could last a while.
- There are ways to help things along.
- Do them!
Actually, they're things
you can do. Home remedies.
In my experience, I've found
some are very effective.
- Well, we are ready to try anything.
- There's an herbal tea you can drink.
You can take some castor oil.
There's spicy foods.
We will do all of those.
- Taking a long walk.
- Good. Done.
And there's the one that's
proved most effective: sex.
You've got to be kidding me!
Good job, Joe! Well done! Top-notch!
- You liked it? You really liked it?
- Oh, yeah!
- Well, which part exactly?
- The whole thing! Here we go!
No, no, no. Give me some specifics.
I loved the