what's up?
You ask an intriguing question,
Chandler Bing.
Oh, my God! You're getting a massage?
You never let me massage you.
- Phoebe, I can explain.
- You said you hate massages.
Buy stamps. Pick up dry cleaning.
Don't let Phoebe in.
How long has this been going on?
- Well, Alexandra has...
- It has a name?
Phoebe, don't get upset.
Okay. Oh, too late! I'm leaving.
Come on, Chandler, let's go.
Well, I thought I'd...
Yeah, what the hell.
The One With the Secret Closet
One more push.
Come on, we're almost there.
I'm happy things worked out for us and
we're having this baby. I love you.
I love you too.
I hope it's not
an inappropriate time to say...
...you're the best sex I've ever had.
That's always appropriate.
Okay, come on, one more push.
One more push.
There we go.
Here is your beautiful baby.
Congratulations.
I hope you're a better father
than you are a friend!
Joey!
- What's going on?
- Come feel my belly.
- The baby's kicking for the first time.
- Really?
Yes.
You know what? Maybe you...
Maybe you should come to me.
I'm not wearing any bottoms.
Oh, my God.
It's unbelievable!
Wow, she is kicking so much.
She's like...
Who's that annoying
girl soccer player?
- Mia Hamm?
- Mia Hamm!
- It's amazing.
- One hand on the sheet, Joe.
Sorry.
Hey, babe.
We got a wedding gift from Bob and
Faye Bing. They don't like us, do they?
Who says you can't get
a nice punch bowl for under $6?
- Maybe we can take it back.
- Where would we return it?
How about to the street,
from the balcony?
Why don't we just find a place for it?
In that cabinet?
That's for canned goods. Have you
forgotten everything from orientation?
How about the closet by the bathroom?
- Okay. Let me do it.
- No, I'll do it.
You have to relax and let me
take care of things once in a while.
It's locked. You have to help me.
Why is it locked?
No reason.
I keep private things in there.
I've been here a while,
and I've never seen what's in there.
What is in there?
Feminine stuff.
Don't try to make me uncomfortable
with feminine stuff!
Nothing in there concerns you.
If you love me, you'll just let it go.
- Fine.
- Thank you.
Love you.
Hello, Chandler.
Lovely day, huh? You.
If it helps, Alexandra's only
been massaging her for three years.
If! I said, if it helps.
Why won't you let me massage you?
I'd be self-conscious.
You're my friend. I'd be naked.
We lived together for years.
I've seen you naked.
That's different. We were roommates.
And when?
I'm curious about the human body.
You can understand
why this would be weird.
I'm a professional
and I'm really good.
If you're uncomfortable, we can stop.
Give me a chance. Please?
If it means that much to you.
It does. How would you feel
if you couldn't share your cooking?
Or how Ross would feel
if he couldn't teach us about dragons.
- Dinosaurs.
- Potato, potahtoe.
Ross, the baby's kicking.
What? It is?
It's not kicking now.
Although we would love
to see you do that again.
When? What happened?
Last night. I went into Joey's room,
and he was sleeping.
A dreamless sleep.
My God, the baby's kicking.
That's great.
I wish I would have been there to feel
the kicking for the first time.
I got some stuff going on
if you want to feel.
I don't want to miss any more baby
stuff. Here's my pager number.
Anytime anything pregnancy-related
happens, use it.
I don't care if it's 3 a.m.
and you want ice cream.
Can I get a copy of that?
- Are you under the sheet?
- Yes.
Great, let's begin.
How's the pressure?
It's nice. Wow, Phoebe, you are good.
Stating the obvious, but thank you.
- And it's not weird, is it?
- No.
That's right, you just enjoy.
Oh, yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
- Okay.
Oh, God, Phoebe!
That's it! That's it, right there!
I wasn't trying to open
your closet, I swear.
Monica runs a pretty tight ship here,
doesn't she? What are you doing?
Monica has a secret closet.
She won't let me see it.
- Why