key to my apartment.
- Really?
- Really.
You don't think this is too fast?
You gave her a key
to your apartment?
Not just a key.
I gave her the only key!
I am now a homeless person
in a very serious relationship!
- Ross, how did the conversation go?
- Great. I live on the street.
Where?
- Hi.
- Okay, Monica, Rachel...
...this is my friend Roger.
- Hi, Roger.
I'll get us some drinks.
Could you help me?
Yeah, okay.
He's here to have sex with you.
- What?
- You're welcome.
- Phoebe, no!
- It's okay. He's a virgin.
Rachel, I was talking to this guy.
I think he'll have sex with you.
Let's leave them alone.
No! I don't care what my hormones are
doing! I won't do it with some guy!
Fine! Then you tell Roger, because
he was really looking forward to this!
Bing! Look at those twin sisters
dancing together.
Let me buy you a lap dance
with those girls.
That's all right, sir.
And that's just one girl.
- Bing, what's this?
- It's a hand.
You use it as a drink holder.
It's a wedding ring. Get rid of it.
We'll throw it in the East River!
- No!
- Yes!
I did it, and I felt a lot better! You
might even hit a seagull in the head.
Okay. I'm gonna need a bunch
of extra keys.
Apparently, I give them away
for no reason at all.
Ross, what's going on?
You're changing the lock?
No.
That guy is.
You give me a key to your apartment,
and then you change the lock?
Good luck, buddy.
I thought we were moving forward. Now
you're sending me these mixed signals.
What are you trying to tell me?
I'm trying to tell you...
...I made you a mix tape.
- What?
- I love you.
And I love spending time with you.
- Hi, honey, I'm home.
- From the tequila factory?
To avoid going to dinner with Doug,
I told him you and I split up.
So he took me
to these sleazy strip clubs.
When I wouldn't give him my wedding
ring, he threw a can at a bird.
Come here.
I can breathe through my mouth.
- Sweetie.
- You know what the worst part was?
I saw what my life would be
without you.
It was like It's a Wonderful Life
with lap dances.
Please promise
that you'll never leave me...
...that we'll grow old together,
and be with each other always.
I promise.
How about we send out
a holiday card together this year?
I don't know if we're there yet.
I'd like to order a pizza.
Can I ask you a question?
Is the cute blond guy delivering
tonight? Very "Abercrombie & Fitch."
- I'll call you back.
- Who was that?
- It's just the pizza place.
- You hung up on the pizza place?
I don't hang up on your friends.
- Sorry, I'm just having a rough day.
- What's wrong?
- You don't want to hear about it.
- Then why did I ask?
Okay, this is embarrassing. Lately,
with this whole pregnancy thing...
...I'm just finding myself...
How do I put this?
Erotically charged.
Is that college talk for "horny"?
Yeah. I have all of these feelings,
and I don't know what to do.
I can't date a normal person.
I don't need a relationship.
All I really want is one great night!
Just sex.
No strings attached.
No relationship.
With someone I feel comfortable with,
and who knows what to do.
For just one great night.
I mean, is that really so hard...
...to find?
So how was your day?
Good. I saw a pretty big pigeon.
I gotta get up early,
and it's almost 7:00.
- I gotta go to my room.
- Good night!
Good night!
- I can't do it!
- I didn't ask you to!
- You're Rachel! My friend!
- You're Joey!
Plus, it would be wrong,
and weird and bad!
So bad!
But I didn't ask you to do anything!
I know!
- You wanna do it?
- No!
- I'm just testing you!
- No more of this talk!
- This talk never happened!
- Good night!
Good night!
Get back in there!
Listen, I'm sorry about
that whole thing with Roger.
It really wasn't right.
And I want to make it up to you.
So I brought you something
I think you'll really enjoy.
Now this is just a loan, okay?
I'm gonna want him back.
I'm gonna go now.
I'm sorry.
I thought I could