Bachelorette party?
- She untied his G-string with her teeth.
Somebody stop me!
We weren't gonna have parties.
We agreed that it's a silly tradition.
It's a grand tradition!
They surprised me.
There was nothing I could do.
You could've untied it
with your hands.
This is so unfair. I wanted
to throw a bachelor party...
...but I wasn't allowed.
All we got was dinner.
You went home with the waitress.
Yeah, that was a good night.
Why didn't you tell me?
The two pillars of marriage
are openness and honesty.
I knew giving you that book would
come back and bite me in the ass.
The One With the Stripper
- I'll order everyone the chicken.
- Oh, I don't eat meat.
It's chicken!
- I don't eat that either.
- I never understand you lesbians.
- So, what's new with you?
- Well, actually...
Your '74 Lafite, sir.
I ordered the '75. That's a
magnificent wine. '74 is sewage!
Why would you bring me sewage?
Are you an idiot?
Is that why you're a waiter?
This is why I didn't want
to wait on you.
Oh, come on.
Don't be such a baby.
In case you didn't notice,
that is a scary man.
He's right, though.
The '74 is absolute piss.
This was a huge mistake.
I can't tell him. I can't.
Rachel...
I'm gonna wait a couple of years,
and then the baby will tell him.
- Why? So he can get mad at the baby?
- That's the baby's problem.
- Everything okay with the waiter?
- I don't know. I went to the bathroom.
So, sweetie, you were starting
to tell me what's new with you.
I got TiVo.
- What's TiVo?
- It's slang for "pregnant."
Are you pregnant?
Well, yes and no.
Except, not no.
So to sum it up, yeah.
Who is the father?
Please don't tell me it's her!
No, it's Ross. You like Ross.
I hope you're okay with this.
This is a good thing.
This is your first grandchild!
You're gonna be a poppy!
That's true. I'm a poppy!
I'm gonna be a poppy!
- So when is the wedding?
- The who?
The wedding.
There's going to be a wedding.
Young lady, don't you tell me my first
grandchild is gonna be a bastard!
- Tell me there's gonna be a wedding!
- February 2nd!
It was cool seeing you lecture today.
Thanks. Although it seemed like
you were falling asleep.
No, I had my eyes closed so I could
concentrate and take it all in.
A lot of my students do that.
- I've got to get going.
- I'll see you tonight?
Thanks for showing me your semiprecious
stone collection. It was amazing.
My God, you must be good in bed.
So you and Mona. It's been a while.
How is it?
It's going good.
I mean, we get along great.
She's so...
- Hot?
- I was gonna say sweet, but yeah!
She's okay with the baby?
I haven't actually told her yet.
I don't wanna scare her off.
You have to be honest, or you may
think you're on the same path...
...but you're on different ones.
I'm gonna take that book
and beat you to death with it.
You are gonna love me so much.
I felt bad about
the bachelorette party...
...so tonight you're gonna have
a bachelor party.
I got this number from a guy at work
and I hired a stripper for you.
I'm going in the wife hall of fame!
- Honey, I don't want a stripper.
- Will you let the lady talk?
Come on, it'll be fun.
It'll make me feel better.
I appreciate it, but it's a little
creepy. I'm not a bachelor anymore.
Just think of it as
a two-month anniversary present.
Sure. One year is paper,
but two months is lap dance.
Please, I feel so bad.
Just watch the hot woman get naked!
- Fine, but I'm only doing this for you.
- Yeah!
And Joey.
- Who else do you wanna invite?
- Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.
I can't make it.
I'm seeing Mona tonight.
Why cancel a real date
to go to a fake bachelor party?
I'm sorry.
I gotta cancel tonight, baby.
I'm sorry I won't make it to your
imaginary wedding. I'm busy that day.
I already have a unicorn baptism
and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.
I know. I panicked.
I didn't want him yelling at me
like I was some '74 Latour.
It's Lafite.
The '74 Latour is