like you?
You want to talk about getting
people to like you, huh, funny man?
Just remember everything
I taught you and you'll be fine.
Okay? Here we go.
Ready, set...
Wait, this seat
is really uncomfortable.
Maybe before we start
we should just get another one.
Perhaps like an airplane seat,
or a beanbag chair!
You can't get out of this.
You have to learn how to ride a bike.
Why? Why do I have to learn?
- Well, in case of an emergency.
- What kind of emergency?
Well, what if a man comes along
and puts a gun to your head and says:
"You ride this bike or I'll...
I'll shoot you. "
I would ring the bell to distract him.
Then I would knock the gun away
with a Chinese throwing star.
Okay, Phoebe, just get on the bike...
...and, hey, I'll hold you up
and push you. Okay?
You won't let go?
- No.
- You swear?
I swear.
- Okay.
- Come on.
Here we go. All right?
All right?
Feel good?
All right, try pedaling.
That's it, you're doing great.
Yes, take control.
Yes, yes, yes!
Oh, no!
You swore!
- I just thought you were doing so well.
- I am shocked. Shocked!
It's a legitimate learning technique.
Wow.
Hey, there's some people outside
asking about candy.
They'll just have to wait, okay?
I only got two hands!
- Need some help?
- No, you don't know the system.
I don't need nobody messing
with the system!
By the way, the week before your
wedding, you may not see a lot of me.
Oh, hello, liar.
Look, I'm really sorry
I let go of the bike.
I could've been killed, you know.
I know, I know.
But can we please try it again?
I mean, you were so close, Phoebe.
Well, I would love to...
...but the bike got stolen
and the police have no suspects.
- Phoebe.
- What?
What the hell?
You know what?
If you won't learn how to ride,
then I'm sorry...
...I have to take it back.
- But why?
Because it's... .
It'd be like you having this guitar...
...and never playing it.
Okay, this guitar wants to be played.
And this bike wants to be ridden.
And if you don't ride it...
...you're killing its spirit.
The bike...
...is dying.
All right. If you care enough
to make up that load of crap, okay.
Great.
You're making the bike very happy.
Okay, Ross.
Please don't die!
To get the evaluation
before they see it...
...we gotta get into Zelner's office.
He doesn't get in until 10.
But his assistant, Betty, comes in
early to eat breakfast at her desk.
- That's kind of sad.
- Yeah, well, Betty's kind of sad.
Which is why I believe I can lure
her away with these chocolates.
While I distract her, you go in.
- Got it.
- Let's roll.
Hello, Rachel. You got a minute?
Yeah, sure, Mr. Zelner.
For you? Anything. Minute.
Okay, great.
Abort the plan.
Actually, I'd like to speak
to both of you.
Okay.
Well, can we get you anything,
Mr. Zelner? Maybe some chocolates.
No, thanks,
but I'll give these to Betty.
So, I read your evaluation of Tag.
Or, to use his full name,
Tag "Sweet Cheeks" Jones?
Is something going on with you two?
Oh, my God,
can you imagine if there was?
I mean, what would happen exactly?
Well, I'd be forced to file a report.
I'd have to consult
with the legal department.
And your future at the company
would be in jeopardy.
- Well...
- Mr. Zelner... .
I filled in that evaluation.
- Oh, no...
- Yeah, yeah.
I thought it would be funny.
You wrote that you have a cute tushy?
Yes.
I have a weird sense of humor.
And I'm kind of strangely
proud of my butt.
It's kind of a risky joke, Tag.
What is this drawing?
I can't figure it out.
It's upside down, you gotta...
It doesn't matter.
It's not like I don't have
a sense of humor.
Hell, I even enjoy a
naughty limerick every now and then.
There's a time and a place.
Unless you have a limerick right now.
No? Okay.
Well, you've got my fax number.
I can't believe you did that.
That was sweet.
- Don't worry about it.
- You could've lost your job.
Are you kidding me? With this
cute butt, I'd find work.