Oaks Counselor of the Year...
she was hired to be the Macro this summer,
but she got pregnant.
No doubt due to the tendencies
you alluded to earlier.
And I have a great rapport with
young people...
so I just stepped in and volunteered.
That cretin is not in our band,
and we are not responsible for his actions.
- Who pissed in your piccolo?
- I'm sensing some hostility here.
- He poisoned my band.
- What?
- I'm the Macro and it's my job to deal with...
- What is he doing here?
- Matt Stifler is pure evil just like his brother.
... conflict.
Thanks, Leesy.
She seems nice.
There are rules, of course.
- You will have to wear a beanie.
- Yeah.
Oh, I know. It's a little silly,
but it's tradition here...
something you're familiar with,
being on the football team, I'm sure...
with your elephant walks and circle jerks
and drinking butt beer.
But here, you just have to wear
a silly little hat and...
- a somewhat stylish Tall Oaks T-shirt.
- Yeah.
So, just go with the flow, Matt...
and you will have loads of fun...
and you'll be making new friends in no time.
Hey, Ernie Kaplowitz, tenor sax.
Cool! I'm a rookie here, too.
I really wanted to come last year,
but Computer Camp conflicted, and...
Oh, yeah, that was here when I arrived.
I think it has your name on it.
What is it?
Hi, welcome to Casa de Stifler. 
I'll be your host, Matt.
Every day here, I'll make it my sincere goal
not to have to kick your ass.
Allow me to show you
to your new accommodations.
When I'm out here, you're in there.
Have a great day, fucko.
I don't...
Okay...
I'll just go and put this stuff away for you.
All right. Bandee-vision.
This is a 1978 Ohio State show...
The Wizard Of Oz. 
The one where the sousaphone player
forgot to dot the I? Oh, hey.
Yeah, right. Freaks.
Never fear, the Stiffmeister's here.
Band Camp just got
a whole lot better, ladies.
You're Steve Stifler's younger brother,
aren't you?
- Young and hung.
- Great.
- Could you send him a message for me?
- No problem, senorita. 
Well, it looks like Steve gave someone
the old Stifler bang-and-boot.
- Is there a problem here?
- No, everything's fine.
- Have fun at Band Camp.
- Thank you, I will.
- Later.
- Word.
You need to start showing some respect
around here, Stifler.
You need to show yourself
back to your table, Big Dog.
Out of my way, Yo.
Hola, chicas. 
Elyse, so good to see you again.
So, what's going on tonight?
We gonna party, get a little crazy?
Who wants to rack up
a few frequent fucker miles?
- You know, you are the most...
- Most sexy man ever to come to Band Camp.
- What? Chloe, he is so obnoxious.
- Sexy obnoxious.
- Thank you.
- I'm tired of messing around with these...
dorky-ass nice guys...
and sensitive-artist types.
- Let's party with a real hombre tonight.
- Hell, yeah. That's me:
- 100% hombre. 
- All right, my room, 8:00.
Great first day, campers. 
This is your Macro speaking... 
and, hey, morale
couldn't have been higher today. 
So hop in the sack,
and get a good night's sleep because... 
starting tomorrow, we have
many, many exciting activities planned... 
not the least of which is
the race for the Tall Oaks Cup. 
So let the games begin. 
Bandeez Gone Wild. 
Scene One. Party hombre. 
It's called Strip Trivia. We made it up.
It's a Band Camp tradition.
"Fourth and Long," "Sextuplets,"
"Banging Babes," and "Who Blew Me?"
This looks like my kind of game.
Shall we play?
You sit in the middle.
Your game, my seating chart.
Sit a little closer, ladies.
Don't be scared. It's all right. 
Okay... 
the rules are simple. 
You choose a category and a question... 
and every time you miss, you strip.
Hell, yeah.
- I'll go first. "Who Blew Me?"
- Good.
I am a silver Stradivarius trumpet
played by a Pulitzer