video dipshit.
Take it easy, Donald.
He hardly ever acts like this.
"Take it easy"? He made idiots of us.
I am sure no one who matters
watches the 5:00 news.
Forget it.
He was doing his job.
We should go down there
and give a rebuttal.
I think it's mandatory.
He's got a right to his opinion.
Besides, I think the holdup guy...
...knows that I saw his face.
Yeah, I know he knows that.
What, are you afraid?
Yes.
All right, I won't get involved.
That's fine.
Great movies all this week on
Channel 6. Monday, Billy Jack...
Good evening, baby.
Hi, Poppy. How'd it go? Did you
find a new place for the station?
No, not yet.
It shouldn't be too hard
to rebuild the old one.
I didn't exactly tell you the truth
about my relocating, Candice.
I didn't want you to worry.
- It worked. I wasn't worried at all.
- You're old enough for the truth.
Just remember that things
always happen for the best, okay?
Now I'm worried.
I didn't say anything for you
to be worried about.
The last time you said
"Things always happen for the best"...
...you and Mom were getting a divorce.
So what's the terrific news this time?
Well, the truth of it is that...
What's this? PBS?
PBS, I'm sure. No, it's a cassette.
When The West Was Wet.
Who gave you this?
I went by the video arcade,
over by the laundromat...
...and they were playing these...
This guy was playing Cosmic Attack
while waiting for his shirts.
We talked and stuff...
And stuff?
Dad, cut me some slack.
He's a nice guy.
Nice guy?
Nice guys don't give
16-year-old girls stag films.
It was a tape, if you don't know.
Don't go near arcades,
don't even go near laundromats.
You're 16 years old.
You don't know the first thing
about life, about...
- I mean the near robbery
of the Pitstop Diner...
...about a week ago,
give or take a day.
- Oh, my God.
- What? What?
He said, "Hotshots with dumb luck
have no business handling crime. "
Who is that guy?
We're not hotshots,
we're non-victims.
I know it's the police's job
to stop crime...
...but it's everyone's right to
protect himself, be he male or female.
Be he male or... Redundancy
is odd, but we have that right.
He's a brain.
Why is there crime?
I think the root cause is criminals.
In crime, there must be
A: Criminals and B: Victims.
Or B: Victims, A: Criminals.
Without victims,
there's no criminals.
Unless criminals preyed
on other criminals, ad infinitum.
But I digress.
I'm speaking for myself,
not for Sonny Paluso, my compatriot.
- When I say I disagree...
- My God. He mentioned my name.
How would Mr. Van Dussen feel
if he had to undress at gunpoint...
...and wore no underwear,
like my poor friend, Sonny.
It's my opinion,
not Mr. Paluso's...
Directory Assistance.
A listing for Sonny Paluso
in either Brooklyn or Queens.
- How are you spelling that?
- P-A-L-U-S-O, Paluso.
- U-S-O?
- I guess. I'm not sure.
- I've got an S. Paluso.
- That's it.
What's the address?
- He said my name on television.
- Congratulations.
I'm not a hero. I'm not a hotshot.
I just believe in life, liberty...
...and the pursuit of happiness
to the best of my ability.
Good night, and have
a pleasant tomorrow.
Hey, I'm really sorry to wake you...
...but I never kill a man
in his sleep.
This is one of those
very lifelike dreams...
...and I'm in the dream
knowing it's a dream.
I have to wake up and turn on
the light. I'll wake up and...
Sorry. Very sorry.
Nice explanation, though.
You don't want to kill me.
No, not particularly.
I hadn't planned to kill you.
But your friend on TV
was running his big mouth...
...turning this into a circus. That
pressures the cops to get involved.
You two I.D. Me, the police arrest me,
stick a fork in my ass, and I'm done.
I told him not to