That's a good one, boys.
The most excitement I ever had
was the time I landed a crippled F-14...
...with a stubborn nose gear on the deck
of a rolling flattop in zero visibility.
But you boys...
...you get to test out these babies.
I envy you.
Gentlemen, I salute you.
Shit, I spilled my drink.
Easy.
Battle conditions, boys?
Get yourself a new act. You're a disgrace.
Give that crippled tomcat story a rest
because we've all heard it.
Gosh, I'm sorry, Rusty.
Really, you're right.
When my moment of truth came, I didn't
take a dump down the leg of my flight suit.
You son of a...
Come on. It's what you always wanted,
a piece of Tuck Pendelton.
Shouldn't the project be declassified?
You know I can't tell you that.
Would you just excuse me? I'm sorry.
All right, that's enough! That's enough!
Hello, Pete. Where's your uniform?
Where yours should've been
a long time ago. Hanging in the closet.
Don't worry, Pete. The wait is almost over.
Take him home, Lydia.
Can you try to hit the couch?
No wait, wait.
All you had to do was ask, honey.
Charming. You want a drink?
- What is all this?
- Something new I'm involved in.
- Rabbits?
- Yeah, "wabbits. "
You resigned your commission
to study rabbits?
- Now take it easy.
- That's good advice.
You better get some ice on that.
- Where are you going?
- I'm leaving.
You're in no shape to drive.
I am in no shape to drive.
That's really good, Tuck.
You leave me no choice.
- That's not fair.
- What is?
"Straight to my lover's heart"
Come on.
Hey, I told the man on the phone,
"Don't honk. "
All I got was an address,
not a book of instructions.
- What's going on here?
- You got any bags?
You know what's going on here.
You read the note.
- I read the note.
- Clean break. Leave everything behind.
- I don't live here.
- One-nighter?
Shut up and get in your cab!
I read the note.
It's your standard farewell address.
I know it by heart.
- Excuse me.
- Lydia.
Don't leave. You know you love me.
I know you're crazy about me.
In a week or two, I'll call you or
you'll call me and we'll be back together.
No, we won't!
I don't get it. I get a little drunk.
I make an ass out of myself.
- What's the big deal?
- Things are different now.
It just hurts me too much to be with you.
Lydia!
Lydia, I stubbed my toe on the cab
when I kicked the door.
I think it's broken.
Better your toe than your heart.
Can we go now, please?
Lydia!
I hope you didn't leave your purse
back there.
Okay, Jack. Let's review.
We've got nausea, shortness of breath...
...dizziness and headaches.
Big, pounding headaches.
What's going on up here?
Where did you get that rash?
- Hairspray.
- Hairspray?
It also makes me sneeze like crazy.
- What do you think?
- I think you're allergic to hairspray.
Isn't this great, Jack?
We're making real progress here today.
The nightmares still keeping you awake
at night?
Now I have a new one.
Put your head back. Tell me about it.
I'm at the market,
working one of the registers.
I suddenly notice that the next customer
is this horrible...
...obnoxious woman
with bright orange hair.
I'm passing her stuff over...
...the bar code scanner. I don't notice it...
...but the computer is ringing up
the wrong prices.
So when I'm all done,
I look at the total and it's way up over...
...and it's way up over $100,000.
So the woman with the orange hair
says to me, real calm...
...she says to me:
"I don't carry that kind of cash
around on me, sweetie. "
Open wide.
I say, "Oh, is that right?"
And she says, "Will you take this instead?"
She reaches into her purse...
...and pulls out a little pearl-handled pistol.
She pulls back on the trigger
and at that moment I wake up screaming.
Take it easy, Jack. It's all right.
The nurse will get it.
Just sit down.
I'm sorry, Jack.
I didn't mean to push you off.
Jack, please, sit down and relax.
Catch your breath.
You know that I am more than your doctor.
I'm