It's a bomb.
- Really?
Yeah, really. You'll have to make a speech.
Tell 'em it's a rough cut, we're not finished...
- Tell 'em any excuse you can think of.
- Why don't you tell 'em?
- I'm not gonna be there.
- You're not coming? Where you gonna be?
Hiding someplace, probably
vomiting, or drinking, or both.
We'll start recutting Monday morning.
They bought that love story?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I wasn't answering the phone.
I thinkthey told me they liked it.
Just wasn't answering the phone...
Come on, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
No, I don't believe you either.
I'll have her home by 10.30, don't worry. Bye.
Oh, shit.
Hello. Stacy? Oh, listen,
I'm sorry. I'm in a meeting.
Just don't panic on the staircase.
At least three people said
how much they liked the screening.
One was my producer, one was
my lawyer and one was Michelle's mother.
Oh, Joe, everybody loved it. We tried to
tell you that last night. You wouldn't listen.
You know, that was the first R-rated
movie I ever saw, and I loved it.
- Did you understand it?
- Well, I understood everything
except the part where the two girls
were in bed together and they were kissing.
What was that supposed to mean?
- Is dinner ready yet?
- No.
- What was that supposed to mean?
- Well, Michelle, uh,
there are certain women who...
- Who...?
- Thanks a lot.
There are certain women
who just don't relate to men, so they...
I think lesbian scenes are a big turn-off.
I shoulda cut it.
- What's goin' on here?
- Never mind. You'll find out.
- Couldn't I be doin' somethin'?
- Just turn offthe lights when we tell you.
- Turn on the phonograph when we tell you.
- Yes, ma'am.
Oh, no, don't...
- Where'd you get those hats?
- Not tellin' ya.
That's for us to know and for you to find out.
- Oh, the lights, lights, lights.
- Joe, could you turn offthe lights, please?
Now turn on those whachamacallit lights.
Yes, ma'am.
Crash!
Ladies and gentlemen, in honour
of El Stinko, El Blotto's screening
ofJoe Gideon's new film, The Stand-up,
we are proud to present those two
dancing sensations Jagger and Gideon!
- Gideon and Jagger.
- Gideon and Jagger.
Give us our music, Joe.
In an under-rehearsed tribute.
- Sit down, Joe, sit down.
- Sit down, Daddy.
And... go!
- I'm nervous.
- I'm nervous too.
Let's go, let's go.
Scoop, scoop...
Strut.
Look familiar, Joe?
Go get him!
Pretty pictures.
Watch your feet.
Can we do it again?
- I don't wanna.
It's showtime, folks.
And these two columns
revolve New York to LA.
And over here on the other side,
the same thing.
There's two staircases down here and
two more that come back into the orchestra.
Oh, yeah, and this centrepiece
moves out for the interior scenes,
and up there, that's Stan.
You'll get familiar with it when we start.
OK, now, all I wanna do now
is to read easily through the script,
and, frankly, I'm not too
familiar with it myself.
So ifwe go through it, then you'll give Paul
and me some rough idea ofwhat we've got.
OK, no acting.
Everyone just take it easy. Easy.
All right, lights up.
Audrey, you have your first number,
and then you begin reading on page two.
You see, Sammy, in California,
everybody needs a car.
I got a friend who bought a Mercedes
just to get to the bathroom.
I guess only in America can a 24-year-old girl
like me own a house like this in Beverly Hills.
Thank you all very much.
You've done a wonderful job.
Take an hour and a halffor lunch.
Don't forget to sign the Boston hotel list.
Excuse me.
There's no use to panic till
we find out what it really is.
Do stop that.
DrBallingeris looking athim now.
Ballingeris the best there is, Audrey.
- Dr Hyman, we just left him. He seemed fine.
- Just fine.
Well, he called. He said he had
chest pains, his left arm was numb...
I'm a little bewilderedmyself.
I checkedhim abouta month ago.
All right, who's in charge ofthis all-important
show that Mr Gideon keeps talking about?
I guess I am.