Go into
the living room and enjoy yourself.
Let's go find your sister.
Before we begin...
...since this is Aunt Bethany's
80th Christmas...
...I think she should lead us
in the saying of grace.
What, dear?
Grace!
Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.
They want you to say grace.
The blessing.
"I pledge allegiance...
"...to the flag of
the United States of America...
"...and to the republic...
"...for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible...
"...with liberty and justice for all."
Amen.
Catherine, if this turkey tastes
half as good as it looks...
...I think we're all
in for a very big treat.
Save the neck for me, Clark.
I'm sorry.
Why are you crying?
I told you we put it in too early.
It's just a little dry. It's fine.
Here's the heart.
Aunt Bethany...
Does your cat happen to eat Jell-O?
I don't know about the cat...
...but I'm enjoying it.
Kids...
...I heard on the news...
...that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sled
on its way in from New York.
You serious, Clark?
Load me up with a little more there.
It's good.
What's wrong with the dog?
He's just yakking' on a bone.
He's got it up. He's all right now.
Maybe if you wouldn't feed him
from the table...
No.
He's probably just nosing
through the trash.
If you're not doing anything constructive...
..n into the living room, get my stogie.
Is there anything else
I can do for you, Uncle Louis?
He's an old man.
This may be his last Christmas.
He keeps it up,
it will be his last Christmas.
That should be it.
I told you, you had
too many plugs in one outlet.
What is it?
Nothing. Let's go in
and finish our dessert.
If that thing had nine lives,
she just spent them all.
If you don't mind,
I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair.
It's a good quality item.
If you don't mind me askin',
how much it set you back?
Do you smell something?
Fried pussycat.
It's not the chair, it's some kind
of gas coming from the sewer.
My tree!
So, what's the matter with you?
Look what you've done to my tree!
It was an ugly tree anyway.
At least it's out of its misery.
- Dad's gonna flip out.
- Nobody's gonna flip out.
We're gonna have a wonderful Christmas.
What the hell do you want?
I have a delivery for Clark W. Griswold.
I was supposed to deliver it yesterday...
...but it fell between the seats
and I didn't see it. I'm sorry.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
- I can't believe it.
- What is it?
A letter confirming your reservation
at the nuthouse?
It's from my company.
Your bonus.
My bonus.
Open it, Clarkie. Open it.
I hope it's a fortune.
I bet you do.
I was afraid...
Are you going to bawl all over it,
or are you gonna open it?
I was gonna wait till tomorrow
to tell you all this, but what the heck?
With this bonus check,
I'm putting in a swimming pool.
That's it. That's the big one!
Open it!
I'm sorry if I've been
a little short with everyone lately.
I've been waiting for this bonus.
To make sure the pool goes in
when the ground thaws...
...I had to lay out the money in advance.
Until this arrived, I didn't have enough
to cover the check.
Tear the sucker open, Dad.
Drum roll.
If there's enough left,
I'll fly you all down to help us dedicate it.
I can't swim, Clark.
I know that, Eddie.
What's wrong?
It's bigger than you expected?
Smaller?
What is it?
A one-year membership
in the Jelly-of-the-Month Club.
That's the gift that keeps on giving
the whole year.
That it is, Edward.
That it is, indeed.
I'm sorry.
If this isn't the biggest bag-over-the-head
punch in the face I ever got! Goddamn it!
Son.
It's good.
If any of you are looking
for any last-minute gift ideas for me...
...I have one.
I'd like Frank Shirley,
my boss, right here, tonight.
Brought from his happy holiday slumber
on Melody Lane with all the rich people.
I want him brought right here...
...with a big ribbon on his head and
I want to look him straight in the eye...
...and I want to tell