Dad.
If you need any help, give me a holler.
I'll be upstairs asleep.
I'm sorry, Daddy. It looks good,
even if they're not lit.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Well, Dad, it was a good try.
Thanks, Russ.
We checked every bulb, didn't we?
I'm sure of it.
Maybe we ought to go up there and just...
Geez! Look at the time.
I have to go to bed.
Brush my teeth, feed the hog.
I still got some homework to do,
do the laundry, wash the car...
Don't stay up too late.
Get off me, you little fungus.
Where the hell is that cold coming from?
- I need just a few more...
- Pay by check, if you can.
- Not a card?
- No, it's a hassle if you have to return.
Help!
Daddy. Is Clark coming?
How the hell would I know?
Is he in the house?
If he's not farting around
with the lights, he must be.
I'm sure he wants to come shopping
and have lunch with us.
He's got another car. He can drive.
I have to eat so I can take my back pill.
I want to take off these clothes,
sit with a glass of wine...
...and kiss every inch of your body.
- After you shower, of course.
- Of course.
- Sparky?
- Yes, honey.
Are you out here for a reason,
or are you just avoiding the family?
I still have a couple hundred
more bulbs to check.
Meantime, I can light the Santa...
...and the eight tiny reindeer
and the "Merry Christmas" sign.
That should look good. Ready?
Want me to do the drum roll thing?
No, it's okay. Here goes nothing.
I don't understand it.
The house lights don't work,
the floodlights don't work.
Is it plugged in?
Do you think I would check
thousands of tiny lights...
...if I wasn't sure
the extension cord was plugged in?
You used more than one cord, didn't you?
Maybe the kids have been fooling around
with it. I'll check in the back.
Clark!
- Todd!
- Sorry!
Honey, I think I know what's wrong.
I can't see!
This ought to do it.
I fixed it!
Everybody! Come out quick!
Look at the lights!
- Get a towel.
- Okay!
Wait a minute! I don't believe this.
What's all that yelling about?
What's going on here?!
Twenty-five thousand twinkle lights.
What's he doing?
I haven't the foggiest.
What the hell?!
What is wrong with this?!
Damn it!
You goddamn thing!
Dad, it's beautiful!
Oh, my carpet!
Clark, it's so lovely.
You deserve a home like this
to spend Christmas in.
It's a beaut, Clark. A beaut.
You taught me everything I know
about exterior illumination.
Thank you, thank you.
Russ. Audrey.
Dear... Francis.
I hope this adds
to your enjoyment of the holidays.
It's just wonderful.
Arthur.
Art.
Dad.
Thanks for being here.
The little lights are not twinkling.
I know, Art, and thanks for noticing.
The house sure does look swell, Clark.
Thanks, Eddie.
I hope it enhances your holiday spirit.
Dear Catherine.
Eddie?
The house is gorgeous, Clark.
Eddie?
I hope you didn't do this
all on our account, Clark.
Kids, come on out here and see
what Uncle Clark's done to the house.
Eddie?
Eddie?
If you don't remember, this here is Rocky.
- Have you got a kiss for me?
- Take a rain check on that, Art.
He's got a lip fungus
that ain't identified yet.
You remember Ruby Sue?
Oh, my gosh!
Her eyes are not crossed anymore.
That somethin', ain't it?
She falls in a well, her eyes go cross.
A mule kicks her, they go back to normal.
I don't know.
And this here is our pride and joy.
Snots.
Pretty name.
We named him that
'cause he's got this sinus condition.
Snots, you roll over
and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly.
You never seen a set on a dog
like this one's got, Clark.
That's okay, Eddie.
That's somethin', ain't it?
You pet him on the belly...
...and he'll love you till the day you die.
I really shouldn't.
My hands are all chapped.
We were going to call,
but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise.
You surprised?
Surprised, Eddie?
If I woke up tomorrow
with my head sewn to the carpet...
...I wouldn't be more surprised
than I am right now.
We have plenty of room.
Plenty of