chips, dips and dorks?
Well, guys, read 'em and weep.
Your deal.
Ronald! Your deal.
Let's do something different.
What do you mean?
We've been playing poker for two years.
Let's play another game.
Dealer's choice.
Hearts.
- Fran, isn't it?
- Yeah!
Wow! Wow, can I pet it?
- I'm sorry. It's dead.
- Ooh, cool outFit!
Ooh, what a severe suede.
You guys, it's no big deal. Um,
Bobby sent it to me from Iowa.
You know, they have
Fine leathers down there.
Oh, yeah, the best leathers come
from Rome, Paris and Des Moines.
I don't remember this. I was
Just in your closet yesterday.
Um, I probably had it
somewhere else. I don't know.
Hey, Fran, do you wanna
go mingle a little bit?
My mom won't let me near
suede. It's too hard to clean.
Yeah, I know. My mom feels the same way.
Did I tell any of you girls
about my many scholarship offers?
- Mm-hmm. -
Hey, John boy!
- Yeah! Quint! Hi!
-John!
Watch it! Ooh. Sorry, hon.
- Oh, my God.
-Don't worry. It's only wine.
just rub some salt on it. It'll come out.
Oh, oh.
I mean, it's not like I ruined it.
Oh.
Damn it.
Now, for the same price, I can
sell you this Five-inch telescope.
- Oh, it's only Five inches.
- Well, it has an optical inverter.
- Hmm.
- Take a look. Take a look.
It gives you an erect image
rather than upside-down.
Hmm. Yeah. Ah, yes!
I see the erection.
I'll be right back.
I'll wrap it up for you, Ronald.
Yes, I, I relate to your
dilemma, miss. I really do.
But we have a policy of no exchanges,
especially after a garment
has been marinated in Ripple?
All right, now, I will
compromise, all right?
Um, I, I will work here after
school and on weekends...
Would you listen to me? I will work
here after school and on weekends,
and all you need to do is give me
a replacement outFit as an advance.
- Listen, honey.
- What?
I'll repeat your
alternatives one last time.
You can keep your outFit and
dye the rest of it cranberry.
Or you can purchase a new one.
Would you please help
me? I will do anything.
Tsk. It's not that bad.
- What are you talking about? Are you high?
- I want to rent you.
You want to rent me?
Yeah. You pretend you like me, and
we go out for Just a few weeks...
and that will make me popular.
just going out with me is
not gonna make you popular.
Well, I have $1,000 that says it will.
I think you've mowed one too many lawns.
You're right.
Tsk.
I believe we have decided
against purchasing the outFit.
Donald!
Oh! You made it!
- I was afraid you weren't gonna meet me.
- Mellow out, Donald.
I said 8:05. I'm here, right?
Relax, anyway. It's only school.
Yeah, well, this is not
my average opening day.
I'm about to walk the cool hallway.
- I usually go the long route through
the library. - Would you ease up?
I mean, I'm the one who's gonna
have to hold a press conference...
when we're seen together, right?
- Right. - Okay, now let's get
this deal straight one more time.
Um, we only pretend to hang, right?
Uh, no hand holding, no kissing!
And I get my lunch hour off.
That's not our deal. I need
more return on my investment.
Well, there's no way I'm
holding your hand in public.
- I mowed 286 miles for you.
- Okay, one lunch.
There are Five days in a school week.
- All right, Donald, two lunches.
- Three lunches.
- And the pep rally on Friday.
- Four lunches. That's it!
Okay, deal. Now, Just remember,
this is our sworn secret
for life or longer.
- You promise.
- Yeah, yeah. I promise.
Anyway, how bad could it be,
right? It's only for one week.
No, no, it's one month. One month.
Yeah, I know. Okay, one month.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Now if I'm gonna do this for one day,
we have to do something about your style.
I mean, it's like nonexistent.
Okay? Take off that hat.
And... rub that in.
Okay, um, take off those glasses.
Here you go.
Let me take a look at you.
Nope. Turn around.
Oh, sh...
Okay, here you go. Your sleeve.
Don't worry about it. You look Fine.