like this whole, big monster deal.
It's endless. It's a total drag.
It's like,
any minute, divorce.
- Who do you like better?
- What?
- You like your old man better than
your mom? - They're both screwed.
No, I mean, if you had
to choose between 'em.
I don't know. Probably go live
with my brother.
I mean, I don't think either one
of them gives a shit about me.
- It's like they use me to
get back at each other. - Ha!
- Shut up! - You're just feeling sorry for yourself.
Yeah, if I didn't,
nobody else would.
Oh, you're breaking my heart. What? Sporto?
You get along
with your parents?
Well, If I say yes,
I'm an idiot, right?
You're an idiot anyway.
But if you say you get along withyour
parents, well, you're a liar too.
You know something, man?
If we weren't in school, I'd waste you.
Can you hear this?
You want me
to turn it up?
Hey, fellas, I mean...
I don't like my parents, either.
I mean, I don't...
I don't get along with them when
their idea of parental compassiуn...
is just, you know,
wacko, you know.
Dork.
Yeah?
You are a parent's
wet dream, okay?
That's the problem. Look,
I can see you getting all bunged up...
for them making you wear
these kind of clothes...
but, face it, you're
a neo-maxi-zoon-dweebie.
What would you be doing if you weren't
out making yourself a better citizen?
Why do you have to
insult everybody?
I'm being honest,
asshole.
I would expect you
to know the difference.
Well, he's got a name. Yeah. Yeah?
What's your name?
Brian.
See?
My condolences.
What's your name?
What's yours?
- Claire.
- Claire?
Claire.
It's a family name.
- Oh. It's a fat girl's name.
- Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.I'm not fat.
Not at present, but I can see you
really pushing maximum density.
You see, I'm not sure if youknow this,
but there aretwo kinds of fat people...
there's fat peoplethat were born to be fat...
and there's fat people that were
once thin, but they became fat.
So when you look at them,
you can sort of see that thin person inside.
You see,you're gonna get married.
You're gonna squeeze outa few puppies, and then...
Oh. Obscene finger gesturesfrom such a pristine girl.
I'm not that pristine.
Are you a virgin?
I'll bet you
a million dollars that you are.
Let's end the suspense.
Is it going to
be a white wedding?
Why don't you just shut up.
Have you ever kissed
a boy on the mouth?
Have you ever
been felt up...
over the bra,
under the blouse...
your shoes off.'...
hoping to God your
parents don't walk in?
Do you want me to puke?
Over the panties...
no bra...
blouse unbuttoned,Calvin's in
a ball on the front seat...
past 11:00 on a school night?
Leave her alone.
I said leave her alone.
- You gonna make me?
- Yeah.
You and how many
of your friends?
Just me.
Just you and me.
Two hits.
Me hitting you. You hitting the
floor. Anytime you're ready, pal.
I don't want
to get into this, man.
Why not?
Because I'd kill you.
It's real simple.
I'd kill you...
and your fucking parents would
sue me, and it'd be a big mess.
I don't care enough
about you to bother.
Chickenshit.
Let's end this
right now.
You don't talk to her.You don't look at her.
And you don't even think about her! You understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
Brian, how you doing?
Your dad work here?
- Uh, Carl?- What?
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
- How does one become a janitor?
- You want to be a janitor?
No. I just want to know how one becomes
a janitor, because Andrew here...
is very interested in pursuing
a career in the custodial arts.
Oh, really?
You guys think I'm some untouchable
peasant, serf, peon, you know?
Maybe so.But following a broom
aroundafter shitheads like you...
for the last eight years,I've
learned a couple of things.
I look through your letters.
I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations.
You don't know that, but I do.
I am the eyes and ears of
this institution, my friends.