has marijuana.
- That was marijuana.
- Shut up, dick.
Do you approve of this?
[ Bender ] We'll cross
through the lab and double back.
You better be right.
If Vernon cuts us off, it's your fault.
[ Brian ] What'd he say?
Where are we going?
[ Bender ]
Wait. Wait. Hold it.
- We have to go through the cafeteria.
- No, the activities hall.
- You don't know what you're saying.
- No, you don't!
We're through listening to you.
We're going this way.
go where you want, motorhead.
Come on!
- Shit!
- great idea, jagoff.
- Fuck you.
- Why didn't you listen to John?
We're dead.
No.
- Just me.
- What do you mean?
get back to the library.
Keep your pants on.
I wanna be an airborne ranger
I wanna live a life of danger
That son of a bitch.
Before the day I die
There's five things I want to ride
Rifle, lifeboat, automobile
Virgin's mother and a ferris wheel
I wanna be an airborne ranger
[ Ball Bouncing ]
Ahh!
Three...
two...
one!
Ahh!
[ Vernon ] Bender! Bender!
What is this?
- What are you doing here?
- Hi.
Out. That's it, Bender.
Out. It's over.
- Don't you want to hear my excuse?
- Out.
- I might try out for a scholarship.
- give me the ball.
give me that ball.
get your stuff.
Let's go.
Mr. Wise guy took it upon himself
to go to the gymnasium.
I'm sorry to inform you...
you'll be without his services
for the rest of the day.
- B-o-o h-o-o.
- Everything's a big joke, huh, Bender?
The false alarm you pulled Friday.
False alarms are really funny.
What if your home--
What if your family--
What if your dope was on fire?
Impossible, sir.
It's in Johnson's underwear.
[ Vernon ] You think he's funny?
You think this is cute?
He's "bitchin"? Is that it?
Let me tell you something.
Look at him.
He's a bum.
Want to see something funny?
You go visit John Bender in five years.
You'll see how funny he is.
What's the matter, John?
You gonna cry?
Let's go.
Keep your fuckin' hands
off me!
I expect better manners
from you, Dick.
For better hallway vision.
That's the last time, Bender.
The last time you ever make me
look bad in front of them.
I make $31,000 a year
and have a home.
I'm not throwing it away
on some punk like you.
But someday, man, someday...
when you're gone and have
forgotten about this place...
and they've forgotten you, and you're
wrapped up in your pathetic life...
I'm gonna be there.
That's right.
I'm gonna kick the living shit
out of you.
I'm gonna knock your dick
in the dirt.
- You threatening me?
- What are you gonna do about it?
You think anybody
will believe you?
You think anybody's
gonna take your word over mine?
I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me. I'm a swell guy.
You're a lying sack of shit,
and everybody knows it.
Oh, you're a real tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on.
get on your feet, pal!
Let's find out how tough you are!
I want to know right now
how tough you are.
I'll give you the first punch.
Come on. Right here.
Just take the first shot.
Please. I'm begging you.
Take a shot. Right here.
Just take one shot.
That's all I need. Just one swing.
That's what I thought.
You're a gutless turd.
A naked blonde walks into a bar...
with a poodle under one arm...
and a salami under the other.
She lays the poodle on the table.
Bartender says,
"You won't be needing a drink."
Naked lady says--
Oh, shit!
Jesus Christ almighty!
Forgot my pencil.
[ Vernon ] goddamn it!
What in god's name
is going on in here?
- What was that ruckus?
- What ruckus?
I was in my office
and I heard a ruckus.
- Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
- Watch your tongue, young man.
Ah!
What is this?
- Vvvvt!
- What is that?
What is that noise?
- What noise?
- Really, sir, there wasn't any noise.
- Ah!
- Ah!
Ow!
Was that the noise
you were talking about?
That was not the noise
I was talking about.
I may not have caught you
in the act this time...
- but you can bet I will.
- [ Laughing ]
You make book on