from me.
Hi, come on in.
I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
So how come Richard's selling
the place? Went bankrupt?
Medical malpractice?
Choked on his own mustache?
He's buying a much bigger place.
It's got a great view of Central Park--
That's enough out of you.
Is there anything we should know
about the place?
All the appliances are included.
There's a lot of light, a new kitchen.
I think you guys would be
very happy here.
No, we're not together.
We're definitely not a couple.
-Okay. Sorry.
-That's all right.
Wow, you seemed
pretty insulted by that.
What, I'm not good enough for you?
We are not gonna have
this conversation again.
Look at this place.
Why am I so intimidated by this guy?
Pretentious art.
This huge, macho couch.
When we know
all he does is sit around...
...crying about losing Monica
to a real man.
-You don't think he's here, do you?
-I don't know.
It's a nice place, but I gotta say,
I don't know if I see myself living here.
Well, let me see.
Yeah, I can see it.
Look at these videos.
I mean, who does he think he is?
Magnum Force, Dirty Harry,
Cool Hand Luke.
-Oh, my God.
-What?
There's a tape here
with Monica's name on it.
A tape with a girl's name on it.
It's probably a sex tape.
Wait a minute.
This says "Monica."
And this is Richard's apartment.
Get there faster!
Wow. You look...
...like my mom.
I'm wearing pantyhose.
-Great! Come on in.
-Okay.
Thank you.
-Oh, my God. You're rich.
-No, my parents are rich.
Well, so? They gotta die someday.
Hello!
Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.
Phoebe, these are my parents,
Theodore and Bitsy.
Theodore, Bitsy...
...what a delight.
-It's so nice to finally meet you.
-And you.
Your home is lovely.
Thank you. I'll give you a tour later.
It's actually three floors.
Holy crap!
Why don't you come meet our friends.
Try and stop me.
-What are you doing?
-Trying to get your parents to like me.
I'm sure they will,
but you don't have to do this.
I want them to get to know Phoebe,
not "Phoebe."
-You've got it.
-All right.
It's hard to stop.
Well, come on.
Phoebe, these are our friends
Tom and Sue Engel.
Phoebe, come sit.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
-So where are you from?
-Okay.
Well, all right.
Originally, I'm from upstate...
...but then my mom killed herself,
and my stepdad went to prison.
So I moved to the city, where I lived in
a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a while.
Which was okay. That was okay.
Until I got hepatitis, you know...
...because this pimp spit
in my mouth and....
But I got over it.
And, anyway, now I'm
a freelance massage therapist...
...which isn't always steady money,
but at least I don't pay taxes.
So where does everyone summer?
-Oh, God, this is not going well.
-No, you're doing fine. Really.
-Why don't you go talk to my dad.
-Okay, okay, okay.
-Still sure about me being myself?
-Absolutely.
Though maybe just
a little less "pimp spit."
So, Theodore, I can see
where Mike gets his good looks from.
Well....
-You must work out all the time.
-Not all the time. I do the best I can.
Yeah, I bet. Look out!
-Oh, my God. Are you okay?
-I recently had surgery.
-I'm so sorry.
-No, I'll be fine.
-I just should check the stitches.
-I really am sorry.
How could you know? Why wouldn't
you punch me in the stomach?
Did you just hit my dad?
Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met
a boyfriend's parents before.
But, I mean, you have met
humans before, right?
Why don't you go talk to my mom.
Okay, yeah, your mom.
She looks nice. I can talk to her.
You do that, and I'm gonna go check
my dad for signs of internal bleeding.
Bitsy? Listen, I wanted to thank you
again for having me here tonight.
Well, not at all.
Also, I just want you to know
what a wonderful man your son is.
-Thank you. I think so too.
-It's a testament to how he was raised.
Especially to you,
because he's very respectful of women.
-Is he really?
-He is so