later.
- Gunther, can I get a scone?
- Want anything?
I want a lot of things.
I wanna be with the woman I love!
I want her to love me back.
And I want relief from the wrenching
pain of knowing that won't happen!
We have red bagels.
Okay.
The One With The Birthing Video
How does Mona feel about
Rachel moving in?
I'm on my way to tell her.
She's been away all week,
but she'll be cool.
She's been so supportive.
She even got the baby a T-shirt
that says "Fossils are my friends."
Come on, Mona. Don't kiss ass.
So I'm gonna take off.
Oh, shoot! Oh, shoot!
Rachel wanted to see this tape.
- What is it?
- My friend giving birth.
Could you take it to your apartment?
"Candy and Cookie"?
Candy's the mom,
Cookie's the daughter.
The father's name is also Cookie.
Why am I friends with these people?
I wanna show you
something in the bathroom.
Monica, grow up.
- What's behind your back?
- Something I want Phoebe's opinion on.
- You don't want my opinion?
- Not really.
Come on, I'm your older brother.
Ask me.
Okay, big brother.
Which one would make your best friend
want to do your little sister?
The red one.
Hey.
I know you're depressed,
so I brought someone to cheer you up.
Right outside is a real,
live, furry playmate.
I'm not sleeping
with your friend Jane again.
Hey, a dog!
Who, you gotta admit,
looks a lot like Jane.
He's the happiest dog ever.
I borrowed him from my friend Wendy.
So you can keep him
till he cheers you up.
Thanks so much, Pheebs.
We are gonna have so much fun!
Oh, not that kind of fun.
Happy Valentine's!
I'm slipping into something a bit less
comfortable and a bit more slutty.
"Candy and Cookie"?
"Candy and Cookie"?!
Monica got me porn?
Girl-on-girl porn?!
She really must love me!
- Yeah, just relax.
- I love you, St. Valentine.
Whoa, whoa, that's not pretty.
Now push!
Oh, God, it hurts!
Worst porn ever!
Worst porn ever!
- Oh, make it stop!
- I am trying!
Get the ball. Ready? Get the ball!
You're cute, but you're not too smart.
Did I just throw this?
- Hi.
- Hi.
I accidentally packed these
with my stuff.
- Who is this?
- Phoebe's friend's dog.
I don't know his real name.
I call him Mozzarella.
You are so cute. I wish I could play,
but I've gotta go to work.
I hope I stop talking like this
before my meeting. Yes, I do.
Bye-bye, Joey.
Seriously, I can't stop it.
Come here! Hey!
That's Rachel. She used to live here.
Might as well be honest with you.
We love her.
But we can't have her.
I really miss her.
Hey, you understand, right?
You're a guy.
Well, you used to be.
So, what do you think?
I've still got it.
- Why did you get me this?
- What is it?
It's yelling, bleeding, dilating.
Oh, the dilating!
Is this the video of the birth? It's
Phoebe's. Why were you watching it?
I thought maybe you got me porn
for Valentine's Day.
If you thought I was gonna
get you porn for Valentine's Day...
...you were right.
It's about a girl who moves
to the city in search of stardom...
...but ends up having sex
with a lot of guys.
It got four stars.
Wait a minute. Those aren't stars.
- Anyway, you wanna take a look?
- Well...
- I'm not really in a sexy mood.
- Hey, what's going on?
Remember the first time
you saw Jaws...
...how long it took
to go back in the water?
We can't let this tape
wreck Valentine's Day.
- You don't know. You didn't see it.
- Childbirth is beautiful.
Oh, beautiful? Really?
You think this is beautiful?
Oh, my God!
No wonder my mother hates me!
- See, honey, there's...
- Don't touch me!
- Hi!
- Hey!
- How was Atlantic City?
- Good.
I brought you back a present.
You didn't have to...
Saltwater taffy?!
Thanks.
Interestingly, it isn't made
with seawater.
It's actually made
with salted fresh water.
That's not interesting.
- I think it's interesting.
- Me too. I missed you!
- How was your week?
- Good.
- The baby started kicking.
- How exciting!
It was amazing. The only thing