knew about it?
Okay, Ross, what is this really about?
This is my home, and I want to be
able to come and go when I want.
I will find someplace else
to do the rest of my appointments.
I don't know what the big deal is.
I don't want naked,
greasy strangers in my apartment...
...when I want to kick back
with a puzzle... Beer, cold beer.
Hey, Joey. What are you doing?
Sweeping. Why?
Does it turn you on?
No.
What if I was sweeping a chimney?
Joey, did you eat my face cream?
Where are you going?
The vicar won't be home for hours.
Joey, where did you learn that word?
Where do you think...
...Zelda?
- You found my book?!
- Yeah, I did!
Joey, what are you doing
going into my bedroom?
I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have,
but you got porn!
You know what? I don't care.
I'm not ashamed of my book.
There's nothing wrong with a woman
enjoying a little erotica.
It's a healthy expression
of female sexuality...
...which, by the way, is something
that you will never understand.
You got porn.
- Hello.
- Hi, is Phoebe here?
- No, she's out for the night.
- Oh, great!
Can I help you with something?
I don't know. Are you a masseur?
Yes, I am.
Great! Dad?
Thank you so much.
I'll pick him up in an hour.
Your parents must've been thrilled
when you told them you were engaged.
Oh, yeah.
I should probably call them.
I remember when we first got engaged.
- I've never heard that story.
- Dad, you don't...
Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant.
I still don't know how.
You don't know how? Your dog
thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
What a sweet story.
At least you're not hearing it
at your 5th grade Halloween party.
They wanted a scary story.
We're really excited
about our wedding plans.
Pretty soon we'll be making a big
withdrawal from the wedding fund.
- What?
- You tell her, Jack. I can't do it.
You have the wedding fund, don't you?
We have it.
Only now we call it "the beach house. "
You spent my wedding
fund on the beach house?
We're sorry. We assumed...
...that when you turned 30
you'd pay for it yourself.
You bought the beach house
when I was 23.
So you've had seven years
of beach fun...
...and you can't put a price on that.
We do feel bad about this.
We saved again
when you dated Richard.
Then that went to hell,
so we redid the kitchen.
What about Chandler?
It was Chandler.
We didn't think he'd propose.
I didn't start drinking
enough at the start of the meal.
I can't believe there's no money
for my wedding.
Maybe, if your father hadn't tried...
...to sell ice over the Internet.
- It seemed like such a simple idea.
- Stupid. The word is "stupid. "
Enough. I don't want
to hear about it anymore.
Good luck, Chandler.
Okay, now I'm going to...
...touch you.
That's soft.
Do you think your parents
could help pay for it?
I don't know.
My mother spent most of her money
on her fourth wedding.
Saving the rest for her divorce.
And any extra cash my father has,
he saves for his yearly trips to...
...Dollywood.
- What happened at dinner?
- My parents spent the wedding fund.
My God, what did you order?
Wait, there's no money?
Well, this is terrible.
You guys will have to get
married in, like, a rec center.
- Honey, it's gonna be okay.
- No, it's not gonna be okay.
- No swing band, no lilies.
- It's gonna be okay.
I mean, you don't need to have this...
..stic Italian feast.
You don't need this custom-made...
...empire waist, duchess satin gown.
You can wear off-the-rack.
It's really gonna be okay.
The important thing is, we love each
other and we're gonna get married.
Do you even understand what
"off-the-rack" means?
Why don't you pay for it yourself?
How? I don't have any money.
- I have some.
- How much?
Well, close to... .
- Are you kidding me?!
- How much?
- Enough for wedding scenario A.
- Really?
How great are you, you little saver!
This is exactly
the budget of my dream wedding.
You guys are so made for each other.
You're