Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
What bank is this?
Hey. It's him. Who is it?
It's Alan.
Chandler! He's here!
Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how much you all like me.
Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.
Hi.
Hi, Alan.
I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!
Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow.
Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?
C'mon!
...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
Loved him! Yeah! He's great!
Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?
Yeah!
And did you notice...?
Yeah.
Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!
...What shoe?
From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.
Really!
Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone.
You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right?
You know what I like most about him, though?
What?
The way he makes me feel about myself.
Yeah...
Hi.. how was the game?
Well..
WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!
Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Alan.
He was unbelievable.
He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.
Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..
Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..
What?
...I dunno, a little too Alan?
Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan.
Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.
I personally could have a gallon of Alan.
Hey, Lizzie.
Hey, Weird Girl.
I brought you alphabet soup.
Did you pick out the vowels?
Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you.
Saltines?
No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?
What? Oh my God, there's really money in here.
I know.
Weird Girl, what are you doing?
No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.
No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.
Oh, that's fine, no.
Would you like my tin-foil hat?
No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.
Please, let me do something.
Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Keep the change. Sure you don't wanna pretzel?
No, I'm fine.See ya.
Huh!
A thumb?!
Eww!
I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
Does, um, anyone wanna see?
Nooo!
Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
It's worse than the thumb!
Hey, this is so unfair!
Oh, why is it unfair?
So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing?
I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Well, I-I could live without it.
Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Oh, "you do, do you"?
You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
"Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.
Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
...%$#@%@%...
Did you ever go out with a guy your