did you want to be
when you were young?
When I was a kid,
I wanted to be John Lennon.
Carl, don't be a goof.
I'm trying to make a serious point.
I've been teaching for 22 years.
Each year, these kids get
more and more arrogant.
Bullshit, man.
Come on, Vern. The kids
haven't changed, you have.
You took up teaching
because you thought it would be fun,
you could have summer vacations off.
Then you found out it was actually
work and that really bummed you out.
These kids turned on me.
- They think I'm a big joke.
- (Carl) Come on!
If you were 16,
what would you think of you?
Carl, you think I give one raќs arse
what these kids think of me?
Yes, I do.
You think about this.
When you get old, these kids...
When I get old, they're going
to be running the country.
Yeah?
This is the thought that wakes me up
in the middle of the night.
That when I get older, these kids
are going to take care of me.
I wouldn't count on it.
What would I do for a million bucks?
I guess I'd do as little as I had to.
- Thaќs boring.
- How am I supposed to answer?
The idea is to search your mind
for the absolute limit. Like...
Would you drive to school naked?
- I'd have to get out of the car?
- Of course.
(Andrew) In the spring or winter?
(Claire) It doesn't matter. Spring.
(Andrew)
In front or in the back of the school?
- (Claire) Either one.
- Yes.
I'd do that.
I'll do anything sexual.
I don't need a million dollars.
- You're lying.
- (Allison) I already have.
I've done just about everэthing
except a few things that are illegal.
- I'm a nymphomaniac.
- Liar.
- Are your parents aware of this?
- The only person I told was my shrink.
- What did he do when you told him?
- He nailed me.
Very nice.
I don't think what he did can be
construed as rape, since I paid him.
- He's an adult.
- Yeah.
He's married, too.
- Do you know how gross that is?
- The first few times...
First few times?
You did it more than once?
- Sure.
- Are you crazy?
Obviously,
if she's screwing her shrink.
Have you ever done it?
- I don't even have a psychiatrist.
- You've done it with a normal person?
- Didn't we already cover this?
- You never answered.
I'm not discussing my private life.
- Iќs a double-edged sword, isn't it?
- A what?
(Allison) If you say you haven't,
you're a prude.
If you say you have, you're a slut.
Iќs a trap.
You want to, but you can't. Then when
you do, you wish you didn't. Right?
- Wrong.
- Or are you a tease?
- She's a tease.
- Just forget it.
- You're a tease and you know it.
- Only if what she does gets you hot.
- I don't do anything.
- Thaќs why you're a tease.
- Let me ask you a few questions.
- I told you everэthing.
Doesn't sleeping around bother you?
Don't you want respect?
I don't screw to get respect.
Thaќs the difference between us.
- Not the only difference, I hope.
- (Bender) Face it, you're a tease.
- I'm not a tease.
- You are. Sex is your weapon.
You said you use it to get respect.
I never said that.
She twisted my words.
- What do you use it for, then?
- I don't use it.
Are you medically frigid
or is it psychological?
You guys are putting words
into my mouth.
- Just answer.
- (Johnson) Why don't you?
(Bender) Be honest.
(Andrew) Answer the question, Claire!
(Bender) Talk to us!
(All) Come on, answer the question.
- (Bender) Iќs only one question.
- No! I never did it!
I never did it, either.
I'm not a nymphomaniac,
I'm a compulsive liar.
You are such a bitch! You did that
on purpose, just to fuck me over.
I would do it, though.
If you love someone, iќs OK.
(Claire) You're so weird.
You don't say anything all day and
then you unload these tremendous lies.
You're just pissed off
because she got you to admit it.
That doesn't make it less bizarre.
Whaќs bizarre?
I mean, we're all pretty bizarre.
Some of us are just
better at hiding it.
How are you bizarre?
- He can't think for himself.
- She's right.
Do you guys