that word.
- Sorry. Shitting rocks.
I see. Good.
Him's nervous because he don't
know if he's getting nothing.
I don't think he should be nervous
and you shouldn't be either.
Because if you're good, Santa knows it.
If you believe in him and you believe
in your mom and you believe in your...
Your dad.
If you've been good all year round,
Santa is gonna bring you something.
Sometimes I think all that
Santa crap is just bull.
If he was so real, how come
we didn't get squat last year?
We didn't do nothing wrong
and we still got the shaft.
Well, I happen to know for a fact
that Santa Claus is real.
And in the next couple of days...
.. somehow I'm gonna prove it to you.
You know, every year he comes
to our house. I've seen him.
- That's true?
- Cross my heart.
- So it's good you came to stay with us.
- I love it here.
You don't gotta put on your coat
to go to the bathroom.
And your house is always parked
in the same place.
I think you'd better go back to bed now.
Okay. How come you ain't sleeping?
Oh, I was just looking for something.
You didn't notice if a man came here
and delivered a letter today, did you?
Nope. How come?
Oh, just wondering.
Now you get back to bed. Come on.
Uncle Clark, are you sure
you ain't Santy Claus?
I'm sure.
I can't even afford to be an elf.
Two containers of K rations!
Two containers of K rations!
Then I had Spam until
it was coming out of my ears.
Oh, bullshit!
- Aren't you having any breakfast?
- I'm not in the mood.
What are you looking at?
Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn.
The clean, cool chill of the holiday air.
And an asshole in his bathrobe emptying
a chemical toilet into my sewer.
- Shitter was full!
- Yeah.
- Have you checked our shitters, honey?
- Clark, please.
- He doesn't know any better.
- It's illegal.
It's a sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity
the person who lights a match near it.
Merry Christmas. Shitter was full.
I have a terrible suspicion Cathrine and
Eddie don't have presents for their kids.
Rocky said something about Eddie telling
him Santa Claus wasn't coming this year.
Yeah. Ruby Sue said something
like that last night.
- How can they have nothing for the kids?
- He's been out of work for seven years.
In seven years he couldn't find a job?
Cathrine says he's been holding out
for a management position.
- So how's the live-bait business, Eddie?
- Well, I can't complain. How you doing?
Not that good, actually.
Your company kill off all them
people over in India not long ago?
No. We missed out on that one. You're
pretty set so far as shopping goes?
Well, I can't lie to you, Clark. The truth
is, things ain't going too good at all.
You know, I told you I borrowed the RV
from my neighbor? Nope. It's mine.
We live in it. I had to sell off
the house, the barn, the 10 acres.
All I kept was a 50-foot plot,
the pigs and the worm farm.
If only I had back the money
that me and Cathrine...
.. sent that TV preacher that was
screwing the hockey players.
What about the kids?
- His kids can fend for themselves.
- No, your kids.
Oh, well, that's the bitch of it.
See, I don't know what to do.
We coasted into town on fumes.
The gas money give out in Gurnee.
Eddie...
Ellen and I want to help you
give the kids a nice Christmas.
- Clark, I couldn't do that.
- No, no, we insist.
Oh, no. I'm not one
for charity, now.
Oh, I know that, Eddie.
This isn't charity. It's family.
- I don't know about that.
- Now, come on.
If you don't tell me what they want,
I'll go out and get it on my own.
Oh, boy.
This is a surprise, Clark.
This is just a real nice surprise.
Just a real nice surprise.
Here's a little list.
Alphabetical, starting with Cathrine.
And if it wouldn't be too much,
I'd like to get something for you, Clark.
Something really nice.
- Is your house on fire, Clark?
- No, Bethany. Those are Christmas lights.
- Don't throw me down, Clark.
- I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany.
- Is