Chewie! Damn it!
Wa/t a second. Whoa.
What the hell's Chew/e?
It's the same rules as shotgun.
Either way, I always lose.
- Furball, you do the honors?
- Yeah.
Strap in, fellas.
Whool
What the hell, Hutch?
It's all Rush.
- Ever want a little variety?
- Rush /s var/ety, b/tch.
Ohl
Rule number one:
In my van, it's Rush.
All Rush, all the time.
No except/ons.
Rule number two:
Nobody touch the red button.
And I mean never touch the red button.
Most /mportantly,
rule number three:
There's no jerking it in my van.
What?
Fine.
Don't roll your eyes at me, Adm/ral Jackbar.
"Established in 1985...
"the Skywalker Ranch
is the headquarters...
of George Lucas's filmmaking empire. "
So according to Rogue Leader's map...
our best odds for finding
the film is in here- the main house.
Oh, my God.
That place is legendary.
And we meet Rogue Leader at a coffee shop
in Texas Wednesday, 3:00 p. m. Sharp.
- Mm-hmm. - She's gonna give us
absolutely everything we need...
- to get into the compound.
- Nice.
White chocolate finally gets
to meet his dream girl.
- Ohl
- Oohl Oohl
Well, accord/ng to th/s,
80 West /s our fastest route.
So we got 26 hours
to make it to Texas, boys.
Consider it done.
Ah!
Wakey, wakey. Hands off steakey.
- It's time for Hutch's pit stop.
- Where are we?
Some say heaven.
I like to call it Iowa.
Iowa?
What about Rogue Leader?
- Iowa?
- Yeah. I made a little detour.
Hutch, we're supposed
to be going to Texas.
Welcome to Riverside, gentlemen...
future b/rthplace of one
Capta/n James T. K/rk.
Enemy territory! Nice.
Man, you drove all night for this?
Dude, I'd drive all year for the chance
to pimp slap some Trekkies.
You know what?
Leave me out of /t.
Let's crack some Trekkie skulls!
Let's do /tl
And it is believed
that on this very spot...
Captain James Tiberius Kirk will be born.
Hence, the statue /mmortal/z/ng h/m.
Grappling with his most accursed nemesis.
Ricardo Montalbбn?
Genetically engineered tyrant Khan.
- It doesn't look like either of them.
- Thank you for po/nt/ng that out.
That is because the whores at Viacom
International threatened to sue us...
if we used their likenesses,
so we make do.
Yes. The gentleman /n the be/ge.
I was wondering what did Sulu find
in Captain Kirk's lavatory.
Sulu clearly found a standard issue
Starfleet Z23 personal refuse device.
I believe it was the Captain's log.
Very good.
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away, everyone.
We've been saved.
- Ooh.
- Any other comic relief?
- Ah!
- There's still homeless out there.
- Hey!
- Yes! What? You! What? Yes.
What /s the Kl/ngon translat/on
for, "You're gonna d/e a v/rg/n"?
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Hilarious, everyone.
Looks like we got more Lucas hounds
here to mock Roddenberry.
Congratulations, gentlemen,
but I would like to see...
your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone.
And we'll see who's laughing then.
Am I right?
Darth Vader can put the entire
Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
Uh, Darth Vader has asthma...
so name me one Star Trek character
with a respiratory disease...
'cause I'm drawing a blank.
Name me one
Star Wars character who's gay.
- Yeah.
- Besides you.
Well, no one's gay in Star Trek,
so why would I even do that?
Captain Picard.
Captain Picard is not gay.
He's British.
- Come on. "Make it so!"
- ¶ Ah-ah ¶¶
I hate to break it to you losers,
but Han Solo's a bitch.
Ah, no, he d/dn't. No, he d/dn't.
What did you just say?
- Is there a problem here?
- Yeah, there sure is, Spock.
The admiral here just
called Han Solo a bitch.
- Good one.
- Some pretty strong words for a Trekkie.
A Trekkie is derogatory
at this point in the game.
Trekker is what we're called now.
Trekker.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Trekkie.
Just take a look-see here.
What's with the man-