work now.
What do you mean, work! What work.
Do not obstruct justice!
The case is solved. You'll get the money.
We'll get the receipt.
What do you think?
Where would I get so much money?
Quite right.
Where could you get such a lot of money?
Exactly.
- So you have no complaints to make? - No.
- And you're not suffering from indigestion?
Not in the least. I'm a very healthy man.
- And you are not tormented by nightmares?
- No, not at all!
So long, then.
Don't forget your police cap.
I could only beg you not to eat too many pickles
or you might get the hiccups!
You're an interesting man, Alexander Ivanovich.
You have no complaints to make...
Remarkable! Such luck -- and still at liberty!
Well?
The plate?
You'll ruin you health with so much liquid.
It's like a suicide.
I get it!
What's inside if it's not a secret?
My little pigeons! Everything is inside this:
Palms, girls, Blue Expresses,
the azure sea, a white steamship,..
...a scarcely worn dinner jacket, a Japanese valet,..
...platinum teeth, socks without holes,
private billiard table...
...and, what is more important, the power,
respect and fame emanating...
...from money.
Stop your cruel jokes!
Back to business, boys.
The main point is clear.
The defendant does have money.
Enormous money.
This is a private investigation of citizen Koreiko.
That's why...
..."we need legal status, legal status and, once again,
legal status"  [quote from V.Lenin]
At any rate, we must become a part of
the vivid mass of office employees.
What office employees? What vivid mass?
When do we start dividing our money?!
Comrades, let's sit down.
- When else, Ostap Ibrahimovich?
- Never, my poor friends.
The money will be deposited to the bank account
of our future establishment. Get it?
- That's it, Shura.
- Cheer up, Michael Samuelievich.
- This is the end.
- This is the end of part one -- you, pupil...
...of part one, only!
Gentlemen of the jury!
The session continues.
Ilya Ilf and Eugene Petrov
THE LITTLE GOLDEN CALF
Part Two
TWO SCHEMERS
Office for the Collection of
HORNS and HOOFS
Closed for Lunch
Closed! The collection of hoofs
has been stopped temporarily.
I also have a right
for the lunch break.
My name is Funt!
And do you suppose that is sufficient to justify
your breaking in to the office?
Here, you're laughing,
but my name is -- Funt.
I am 90 years old.
You have an office.
Yes, yes. An office. Go on, go on!
Old guy, indeed.
Well, what do you want?
Do you see these trousers?
These are Passover trousers.
There was a time when I put them on
only for Passover.
Now I wear them every day.
- Don't you need a chairman?
- What chairman?
An official one -- in a word,
the chief of the establishment.
I'm the chief myself.
In other words, you expect to do time yourself?
Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Why then did you take up 2 hours of my time?
I'm Funt! All my life I've done time for others!
Such is my profession -- to suffer for others!
- Oh, so you are a professional figure-head!
- Yes, I am Substitute-chairman Funt!
I've done time at the time of Alexander II,
the Liberator,..
...at the time of Alexander III,
the Peacemaker,..
...at the time of Nicholas II, the Bloody.
At the time of Kerensky I also did time.
At the time of Military Communism,..
I did no time.
There was no work for me.
But how I did time in the days of the NEP!
Right away you can see that he is
a man of the good old days.
There are few of his kind left now,
and soon none of us will be left.
During 4 years I had less than
three months of freedom.
- And now I cannot recognize our Chernomorsk.
- So do I.
Where is private capital?
Where are the joint stock companies
with mixed capital?
Where are they all? Monstrous!
Well,..
...now when you've finished,..
...tell me, don't you know a fellow
by the name of Koreiko?
Don't know him.
And did you ever have
any business with "Hercules"?
"Hercules"?