Golden jaws await you.
A fat little widow...
...and a whole reservoir of kefir.
- Onward!
- I don't want onward.
I'll buy a little sailor suit for Balaganov
and will place him in an elementary school.
And our driver will receive a new machine.
What kind do you want, Adam Kazimirovich?
- "Lincoln"? "Studebaker"?
- "Isotta-Fraschini". It's more practical.
Bender! You don't know how I respect you!
But you don't understand anything.
You don't know what a goose is.
- Oh, how I love that bird!
- We know. We saw you at Arbatov.
I kill a goose like a toreador, with a single blow!
When I attack a goose, it's an opera!..."Carmen"!
It's an opera!..
A wing!..
The neck!..
The drumstick!...
The old man is impossible.
Shura!.. Shura!..
Shura, go and bring that malingerer here.
[ Car Exchange ]
I was frequently unjust to the deceased.
Was the deceased a moral person?
No, he was not a moral person.
He was an ex-blindman, usurper and goose-thief.
He devoted all his powers to the task
of living at the expense of society.
But society did not want him
to live at its expense...
[ Here Lies Mikhail Panikovsky
A Man Without a Passport ]
...and he could not endure this contradiction in views
because his was an excitable character.
And therefore he died.
That's all.
Say something, Shura.
Comrades!
The international situation...
Our response to Chamberlain...
Rest in peace.
And to think that I beat him for the dumbbells!
And even before that, I fought with him!
Onward! We have to go!
Why did you stop?
The nearest station is 20 miles away.
Then we'll move toward the east.
Well?
I will not go. Don't be offended,
but I have no faith.
I don't know where we ought to go.
We'll perish there.
I shall remain.
This is just what I wanted to tell you...
I have no faith.
As you wish. What are you going to do?
I'll become again on of the children
of Lieutenant Schmidt.
I'll put the Antelope together.
I'll find her, look over her and fix her up.
The northern and the southern parts of
the Turkestan Railroad are united!
The rally is over.
The dinner for the builders and guests is served.
Hey, you, there on the schooner!
You are a mean one!
Why don't you pull out the whole suitcase?
Anything else?
Where are we going to split our money?
Station Khatsepetovka!
Step out, citizen! We have arrived.
By the way, I have entirely forgotten
to tell you something.
Perhaps you intend to cut my throat...
...to chop in parts and ship them
in different cities on slow trains?
Also ferment my head in a barrel of cabbage...
I want you to know I'm opposed to it.
You need not check it.
I conduct business with the efficiency of a bank.
What a good folder it was.
I wish I can keep it but I need money.
And so I'm a millionaire!
Then, make me a movie star.
The dreams of an idiot have come true!
Let's go!
Stop!
Let's fly, Alexander Ivanovich!
Stop! Don't rush.
We are passengers. Two tickets!
Do you have first class?
We accept no passengers.
This is a special flight.
Wait. I'm buying the airplane!
Wrap it up in paper!
- Did you see it?
- Provincial overzealousness.
Wake up! And so came day six.
I'm Emir Dynamite!
If we don't find decent food in 2 days,..
...I'll rouse some tribes to rebellion.
Upon my word! I'll declare a djihad.
For example, against Danes!
There's always a cause.
Why did the Danes torture their Prince Hamlet?
I'll buy rifles from the English --
-- they love to sell firearms.
Can you imagine the invasion of tribes in Denmark?
I shall ride on a white camel at the head of all!
There is no Panikovsky!
How he would appreciate A Danish goose!
Wake up, Alexander Ivanovich.
Here is a little city
that is no worse than Baghdad.
I was here 5 years ago...
...and gave anti-abortion lectures.
There used to be a pair of saloons
of Eastern style...
But this is not Rio de Janeiro.
I'm going to the railroad station right away.
I've had enough. I'm going to