How's it gonna look
if my dad drives me?
A little treat
for getting the job.
It was only fifty bucks.
- Right on time, Henry.
- Yes, sir.
Henry, the sign... very wrong.
Ciao!
Hey, Jim, where you going?
Hello, boys.
Going to Paris on an F-14.
Got a peace meeting with the
vice president of Bulgaria.
Business, you know?
Then I'm going to Venice,
for a spaghetti dinner
with the princess of Austria.
A beautiful lady...
really big bones.
Remember to brush
your teeth, Melvin!
You, too, Sidney!
Adiуs!
Jim is so cool!
Bobby.
Got a loose tile here.
In the morning...
take care of it.
I don't need a lawsuit, okay?
I've got enough to worry about.
Who's he?
Attention, shoppers.
The store will be closing
in five minutes.
Bring all your purchases
to the front.
- Are you a slacker?
- No, uh, Presbyterian.
What did you say?
What did you say?
I'm askin' you
a simple question.
- Are you lazy?
- No, sir.
The last guy that wore that uniform was
a lazy slacker, and I fired his butt.
Uh, about the uniform,
will I be getting my own?
You work out, which I doubt,
you can have a new name patch.
Would I be able to have it laundered?
It smells a little like Darnell.
I don't think you know
who you're messin' with.
After you clean the
ladies' and mens' crappers...
and you'd better be able
to eat off those bowls...
you clean my coffee maker,
then wax my desk.
Uh, clean what?
- Clean my coffee maker and wax my desk!
- I got it!
Sweep the aisles,
startin' with health and beauty.
Work your way over to
juniors and misses.
Ups and downs, leaving your
debris in the cross aisles.
So, I start with
health and beauty...
I just said to start
with health and beauty!
Then you do
your cross aisles.
That'll bring your
dust bin into play.
Take the debris.
Load it into the dustbin.
Take the dustbin out
to the loading dock...
and empty it into
the receptacle.
- Got that? Easy as pie.
- Yeah.
I was employed briefly
at Del Taco, and...
I don't care about your
Del Taco experience.
We've got this problem
in this store with grazers.
- You know what a grazer is?
- Is that a farm term?
It's a customer or employee
that eats off the shelves,
similar to a cow grazing
in a field of grass.
Only this isn't a field of grass,
and you're not a cow.
There's no eatin'.
You're not being paid to eat, so don't!
- Any questions?
- Not right off hand.
- Think you can handle it?
- I'll give it the old college try.
Don't touch me!
Well, despite our
age difference,
I think I'll enjoy
working with you.
Let's get something straight.
You ain't workin' with me.
You're working for me.
- Still, it'll be fun being around you.
- I ain't gonna be near you.
I'm gonna be home pumping the pasties
out of Colleen Jackson.
- You're not going to be here?
- Hell, no.
I'm gonna be here
by myself?
That's right. And you'd better
stay out of the ladies' undergoods.
Wait a minute!
Nobody told me I'd be here alone.
- What are you doing?
- Saving money.
Wait! Are you
turning off the lights?
In 25 seconds, you got
light in every third aisle.
When the sun comes up,
turn off all the lights.
I don't understand.
Hold on!
I don't understand.
Hold on!
I'm locking you in.
When I come back at 7:00
to open up,
I'll let you out.
- You're locking me in?
- What do you take me for, a fool?
Nobody gets keys on their
first night. Nobody!
Get to work!
- What if there's a fire?
- The fire department will come.
- I could perish!
- Ha-ha-ha. Boo!
You can't do this.
I'm locked in, alone, in the dark.
That was not a part
of my employment agreement.
# You got to wash with
the crocodile in the river #
# You got to swim
with the sharks in the sea #
# You got to live with
the crooked politician #
# Trust those things
that you can never see #
# Ay yeah, yeah
Ay yeah, yeah #
# Ay yeah, yeah
Ay yeah, yeah #
Agh!
# It's a cruel, crazy
beautiful worid #
# Every day you wake up
I hope it